Well, we're all familiar with the word nirvana. It means various things to people. Sometimes nirvana is described as blowing out the light. And so when we say blowing out the light, everybody goes, uh. You mean blowing out the light? Extinguishing, yeah, extinguishing. So I think we have to understand something about meaning of nirvana. Originally, it seems that nirvana is simply a word meaning cool.

[01:05]

And it's just an ordinary word in ancient India. So if you said the soup is hot, let's wait until it's nirvana. Today is really warm. but tomorrow will be nirvana. So really it means, the meaning is cool. So to cool out. Nirvana means cool out. When Dixieland was popular jazz, it was hot. And then came bebop, and it was cool. Different feeling.

[02:09]

So, cool is, I think, to view this kind of term in a way that we can relate to it. It's important. So, the cool state means the state without self. State that's not burning. Buddha, you know, gave his famous fire sermon. He said, your people, you know, your heads are on fire. So, if you want to experience Nirvana, you have to put out the fire in your head and achieve the cool state.

[03:13]

So, I think that this is what Dogen was talking about when he was talking about shikantaza. Shikantaza means just this, without anything extra. There's a koan. Show me your original face before your parents were born. What is your original face before your parents were born? It's the state of no-self. But we have to distinguish between common language and dharma language. common language, in karmic language, common language, when we say no self, we think that there's a self.

[04:20]

And that, how do you get rid of this? Because we identify our ego with self, with our self. Raul pointed out to me that in psychology there's ego and superego. Ego is our sense of self, that when we say, I'm going to do something, or I feel something, and so forth, there is a kind of self at the center. And a superego is kind of what's extra, actually identifying as a self. So I think ego in its practical sense is simply our identity as a person.

[05:32]

And superego is more like our over-identity, our put-on identity, our confection, something put together in order to feel or protect ourselves, actually. Ego, as someone said, all ego, is self-protection. So what is there to protect? This is a good koan for all Zen students. What are we trying to protect? It's a self-defense mechanism. What are we defending? Where's the bottom of this defense?

[06:36]

So nirvana actually is a state of nothing to defend, nothing to protect. Each one of us, you know, has a certain temperament. Temper is a very interesting word. Temper, temper, temperament, temperamental, distemper. It doesn't really, it borders on time as tempest, but there's some, it's not necessarily connected with that. Maybe connected as a cousin, but not as a, relative, direct relative. But each one of us has a temper and it has to do with heat and cold. We can describe it as in terms of heat and cold.

[07:44]

Some of us have a hot temper and some of us have a cool temperament. So temperament, you know, we say somebody's temperamental. Well, we're all temperamental, you know. Some people are not very sensitive and other people are more sensitive. But if we think in terms of heat and cold and nirvana as cool, It doesn't say nirvana is cold. It says nirvana is cool. So there's hot temperament and cold temperament. Then there's cool temperament and warm temperament. So warm and cool are kind of in the middle. Suzuki Roshi used to talk about a lamp and its light.

[08:50]

If you've ever used a kerosene lamp, especially the tall ones, I can't remember what they're called, Aladdin lamps, very sensitive. You think that they're okay. You turn the heat up, or even the light up, and you think, oh that's good, and then you turn your back, and ten minutes later you turn it on, it's all flaming up. So, each one of us, our personality can be like a lamp. And we have control with this little knob. As we get more familiar with the lamp, we kind of know where to turn, where exactly that control is, so that the lamp doesn't get too bright, too hot, or too cool, too cold. And we keep the temperature,

[09:58]

the wick just right so that there's light and that light becomes very penetrating when it's controlled correctly. And if it's too bright, it burns up the chimney and the chimney gets all black and smoky and starts to stink and disturbs everything around it and can set the place on fire. melt down. And if it's too cold, you don't, there's not enough to sustain. So, Nirvana is this cool, cool place. When we say extinction, as I said, there's Dharma language and ordinary language. So when we say extinguish in ordinary language, it means to put out.

[11:02]

So when we say extinguish in Dharma language, it means just the right temperament, just the right temper. And just the right temper means that ego is not out of hand. Super ego is not controlling. So when we talk about birth and death, this is also Dharma language. In ordinary language, when we say birth and death, we think of the birth of this body and death of this body, mind. But in Dharma language, birth and death means birth of the ego and death of the ego. It's not so much referring to body and our usual way of thinking about body and mind, because we're talking about a self.

[12:09]

There are human beings born and dying in this world who never experience anything beyond self, who never see their true face. This is called being born and dying moment by moment. When ego is in control and feeding itself through grasping, clinging and attachment, it obscures the true life. someone described a funeral as a live person, 20 dead people following a live person to the cemetery. And Dogen talks about dropping body and mind.

[13:25]

He says, to study the Buddha Dharma is to study the self, and to study the self is to forget the self by dropping body and mind. But dropping body and mind doesn't mean to get rid of this form. It means to let go of clinging, grasping, and attachment to a self. So every time we get angry, a self is born. Every time we want something too much, a self is born. Every time we become greedy, a self is born. So this is called transmigration. transmigration through the six realms.

[14:32]

When we become too greedy and not paying attention to what is going on around us, that's called the animal realm, even though animals are really not greedy. Animals actually are pretty good. It's the human realm, maybe that's the greedy one. And when we get angry, it's the fighting demon realm. We become a fighting demon. We're born into that realm. You know, we tend to think that we're born and we're one whole person from the beginning to the end. But actually, we're a different person at each moment, according to where our mind is, according to where our disposition is, according to how we relate.

[15:39]

When we're angry, we're no longer the person we were before. There's some relationship, but it's a different person. So we're a different person moment to moment. When we're not creating this kind of karma, this kind of action, then we're no longer creating states which are obscuring nirvana. So nirvana is not such a difficult, you know, it's not this far off mysterious place. It's simply cooling. It's finding, staying in the temperate zone. In the zone which is not ruled by imagination,

[16:44]

And it's not ruled by clinging or grasping or attachment. It's called the zone of joy and bliss. Some people would call it boredom. You know, zazen is nirvana. True zazen is nirvana, when zazen is done properly. When zazen is done properly, there's nothing that's creating a self. There's no activity which is creating a karmic self. Thoughts come and go, but there's no grasping, there's no clinging, there's no attachment to them. Feelings come and go, but there's no grasping, there's no clinging, there's no attachment.

[17:58]

All kinds of states, both physical and mental, come and go, but there's no grasping, clinging, or attachment. It's simply the cool state. We say cool head and warm feet. This is Balanced temperament. Actually, temperament means balance. It's the balance between the cool and the hot, cold and the hot. We talk about being passionate. Passionate is, you know, I love being passionate. A very passionate person. We're all very passionate people. Passion, though, means suffering. Literally, basically, it means, the passion of Christ doesn't mean, you know, it means His suffering.

[19:07]

But we've taken the word, you know, and given it other meanings. And we associate it with sexual desire or with some other kind of desire, passionately involved or passionately desiring. So it's mixed with desire. But passion means suffering. And the cool state is to let go of the suffering state, or to let go of our suffering actions, actions which cause suffering. This is Buddha's whole message, actually, very simple. How do you let go of suffering? How do you let go of creating conditions which create suffering? That's the whole message of Buddhism. And the answer is

[20:09]

don't create a self, because the self, the desire as self, is what creates the conditions for suffering. So desire itself is okay. There's nothing wrong with desire. Without desire, we can't really live. You have to eat, you have to want something, you know. But here's another case where there's ordinary language and Dharma language. Desire in ordinary language means whatever you want. Desire in Dharma language means that which is more than is necessary. So the first helping on my plate satisfies my desire to eat. The second helping satisfies my desire for greed because I don't need it.

[21:13]

I only want it. So there's needing and wanting. There's satisfaction and then there's necessity. So there's necessary desire. If you didn't have desire, you wouldn't need it at all. So there's something that's stimulating desire. The baby cries and the mother feeds the baby because there's some desire there, but it's not egotistical. There's not desire arising from ego. Ego doesn't come in until the baby's four, five, six, something like that. Baby learns ego. We've all learned it as a defense mechanism. Self-preservation. What we feel is self-preservation, which is not. We don't need so much for self-preservation. We just feel that we need. And the more we give in to our desires, the more we need.

[22:21]

Because satisfying desires is never-ending. the more we devour them. And so like, you know, the biggest people in the world are in San Antonio, Texas. You don't read the papers, do you? The most obese people in the world now reside in San Antonio, Texas. America is the obese, you know, we're the devourers, we're the most unsatisfied people in the world. We have the most of everything, but we're the most unsatisfied. And the proof of being the most unsatisfied is that we need more. We need to devour the whole world, because not enough.

[23:24]

We don't have enough. And so we have a lot of suffering and we're causing a lot of suffering through our inordinate desires. Something will come and there'll be a pin that will prick this bubble and it'll go... And then people will say we're all suffering because we're not getting what we want. But it has to happen. There's no way it can just keep going like this. There's got to be some control. So, we're attached to fulfillment. So this is an interesting point, too. Fulfillment and necessity. In our culture, because we are... country, nation is kind of based on the idea of individual liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

[24:37]

But we've exaggerated that to the point where our individuality, nurturing our individuality is the most important, has become the most important thing for so many people. And on the other side is responsibility to everyone else. So this is a kind of problem that we all have. One side is fulfilling our aspirations and our own personal aspirations as fulfillment. And the other side is taking care of the obligations to everyone around us plus the situation as fulfillment.

[25:39]

And often our own desires become more important than as a means of fulfillment than taking care of what's around us as a means of fulfillment. So we have this kind of problem, you know, and how to balance that is very important. How to reach the right temper between self-fulfillment and creating a harmonious atmosphere around ourselves with everyone we're involved with and all of the activities we're involved with. So some things are, some aspect of our life is fulfilled over here, but it's neglected over there. And as we keep taking on more and more things, you know, the problem with most countries is that they don't have enough.

[26:43]

The problem with us is that we have too much. That's a big problem. And it's very hard to choose and to say no to something, you know, and to limit ourselves. I remember when I was, before I started practicing, I was caught up in, you know, self-fulfillment. And when I came to practice, and I saw Suzuki Roshi practicing, twice a day, morning and evening, he would come out of his office, all he had was his robes. And he would do zazen and service and then go back out. And every day, same thing. And he didn't seem to need to do anything else. and he ate moderately, you know, was very happy, you know, basically happy, basically fulfilled. And I was really, you know, so moved by the fact that a person could live their life so simply without needing anything.

[27:53]

That really, he didn't drive, he didn't have any real, he had, you know, you can't help but have possessions because they just come to you. If you have an empty table, it's not going to be empty very long unless you make a real effort to keep taking stuff off of it. The movement of stuff in our society is just, it's a conveyor belt. So I was astonished at that and really impressed. Sometimes people say, well, why did you start practicing? Well, I was just so moved by that. I've never been able to really live up to it myself, because there are other things that do fulfill me, that I seek fulfillment from. But basically, I try to keep it as simple as I can.

[28:58]

We should at least be mindful and careful and retrospective, you know, like, do I need this? Do I need to do that? Do I need to do all these things? Because, you know, if you don't think about it, you think that you do need to do all these things. Some people can keep it in hand, okay? Okay. But is our life You know, basically, we can fill our life with a lot of things, and that can be very interesting. And we can feel okay about that. I go to this entertainment, and I go to that entertainment, and I, you know, do these various things that keep me busy. That's okay. But beneath that, are we just creating karma? Are we just creating the necessity to keep on that wheel of needing to be fed all the time?

[30:07]

As someone said, we eat through our eyes, we eat through our nose, we eat through our ears, we eat through our sense of touch. This is all food. Food doesn't just come in through the mouth. It comes in through the ear, comes in through the eye, and we're all fed in various ways. Actually, just breathing. We inhale microscopic food particles. Anyway, so the point of Buddhism is to actually reveal our true face before our parents were born.

[31:16]

That's a big zen koan. And it's nothing more than, if we allow ourselves to cool off, we can actually see in the clear mirror. It's like looking at the ocean, you know. Big waves are very exciting. But the calm sea, the calm pond, and seeing our reflection in the calm pond is very deep and is not just, is beyond temporal. It's beyond the realm of birth and death. I particularly like to get excited and have a hot head.

[32:38]

It's great. But I know that when I feel most myself and most my not-self, is when I'm sitting zazen, and there's nothing being created. It's just deeply enjoying the fundamental aspect of myself, of this self, my true self, just coming back to my true nature. which is, you know, childlike. Sometimes we say, you know, there has been recently this idea of finding your inner child, you know, in psychology, finding your inner child.

[33:56]

That's not bad. You know, we should actually retain this inner child and not lose that. because the inner child becomes usurped by the adult. We can't become a child in that sense, because we know too much. But we can become not childish, but childlike, which means unassuming, and before raising up a self, And then, you enjoy your life. Doesn't matter how old you are. Because you don't get old, no matter how old you are. Someone said, as we get older, we get more egotistical.

[35:07]

because we've had so much time to create an ego and so it just keeps getting tighter and tighter. That's true to a certain extent but a lot of people get to the point where they let go of it. And I think some people can do that naturally because to figure it out what's there to hold on to. I think when people are dying, you know, we say, well, what do you do for people that are dying? Well, help them to die by letting go of self. You know, we say if you die before you're dead, then you come back to life.

[36:15]

So, the point of practice is actually to die before you're dead. But what is it that dies? Just what's not necessary. All you have to do is let go of what's not necessary. That's called dying. But it's painful. It can be painful. That's the most painful thing. If there's a self, then there's painfulness. If there's no self, what is there to be painful? So it's really up to us. Our life is not determined. It's simply created moment to moment. And there's nobody to blame but ourselves.

[37:22]

But don't blame yourself. So just to continue making effort in practice. Do you have a question? Yes. That was great, I really like that. I like the distinction between Dharma language and common language. It makes some things a lot easier, I think, to understand and talk about. About nirvana now, when we're really nice to, really kind, we're really kind to someone, and maybe they don't know we're being kind to them, but we're being kind,

[38:33]

And I'm sort of wondering if that's a kind of a zazen, because sometimes that sensation, dharma language sensation, not the common language sensation, that comes after it, that sort of nothing matters sensation that comes, I'm wondering if that's sort of a kind of zazen, and if the answer is yes, then well, nothing. If the answer is no, that's not that sensation, then what is that sensation? Is that connected to a self? Yeah. What sensation? The feeling of having done something good? No, not having done something, but after, if you've been kind to someone and you walk away, whether they know it or not, that sensation of, not necessarily that everything's perfect, but that nothing really matters. It's just sort of, is that sort of like nirvana? Okay, thanks.

[39:39]

Just to do something without expecting anything and without feeling that you've done something and without taking reward or credit, you know. We really want fulfillment. So, to do things without, you know, to do something secretly, something for somebody, without gaining credit for it, is a good test. But if you gain credit... It's okay to gain credit. I mean, if you gain credit inside, I mean, that feeling of... Satisfaction? Like, oh man, that felt so great, I'm so glad... That's good, that's good. That felt so great, now what? What's next? If you say, oh, that felt so great, ha, [...] you know, that felt real great. That's not it.

[40:40]

But, yeah, that felt great. Now what? What's next? So you're always coming back to zero. You may get up here, but you're always coming back to zero. Continually coming back to, it's just like Zazen. Right? Your mind wanders to, oh, that felt great. Then you let that go, because as soon as you say that felt great, your legs start hurting. So, continually letting go. It's okay, you feel what you feel. Of course you feel, you know, you feel all kinds of things. And to deny your feelings is not right. To accept your feelings. When you're feeling good, feel good. When you're feeling happy, feel happy. But to hang on, that's self, that's creating a self, that's karma. So, not clinging to anything, no attachment, no grasping, we want to cling to the good things, the things that make us feel good.

[41:47]

You know, we do, it's human nature, but it's also human nature to get caught. What about if you want to keep being really nice to people because it feels so good, isn't that kind of clinging? Yes. You just be good to them because being good is your nature. Of course, it makes you feel good. It's okay. It's better to feel good by doing nice things for people than to feel good by doing nasty things to them. And does that, like the zazen, the more zazen you do, the more natural it becomes? We hope so. We would hope so. We would hope so.

[42:49]

But we don't do zazen for that reason. We just do zazen for the sake of zazen. And some people say, well, I feel lousy. But basically, you do zazen for the sake of zazen and you feel good. So feeling good is a byproduct. It's not the motivation. The motivation is just to do. Just doing. Shikantaza. But then you feel great. Just doing without any self in it. Without creating a self. It's usually applied to Zazen. Just sitting without trying to get something.

[43:53]

no special state of mind, but then everything is included. So it's emptying out and feeling fulfilled. So the more you empty out, the more fulfilled you are. Emptiness is another one of those terms that has usual language and Dharma language. So in ordinary language, emptiness means nothing's there. In Dharma language, it means both empty and full, because it's a non-dualistic term. In dualistic language, empty is the opposite of full. But in Dharma language, empty is full, and full is empty. So, in Dharma language, Dharma language means non-dualistic. And it's very hard to hold the non-dualistic concept in your mind.

[45:02]

That's why it's beyond thinking. It's simply an expression. And so we talk and talk around it, you know. You get it when you... You actually get it more than you think you do. Aras. He said, seeing one thing through to the end. Seeing one thing through completely to the end. And my question to you is, what is the end? And is it the conventional sense of end, or is it the ultimate? Well, the one thing he was talking about was that thing which has no end. What was that?

[46:10]

That which has no end. To see something all the way through to the end. But he's talking about that thing which has no end. your interpretation is fine. I'm thinking like, can I get through this period of zazen, okay, to the bell rings, that's sort of a sense of an end, but then, but I think you're talking about something beyond that. Yeah, but I think that's also included. You know, just seeing the period of zazen through to the end, you know, that's true. And saying the whole Zen Noodle, which is endless to its end.

[47:14]

That's also true. So it's not some specific statement pointing to something specific, but it points to everything. That's why it's such a great statement. It points to everything you do. Richard? There's no end to the ends? There's an end to the end, but... You have to go beyond the end. The endless end. Right. Every moment there's an end. Could you say something about these other things that bring you fulfillment, like playing music?

[48:17]

Do you want to stop playing music? Do I want to stop? Yeah. But you said that you couldn't live up to the way that your teacher lived. Oh, Suzuki Roshi? Yeah. I mean, what was he doing in his office? Maybe there was something he was doing that was fulfilling. He had a pinball machine in there. Whatever he was doing was fulfilling. He didn't have to have anything special. Just whatever he did was fulfilling. That's the whole point. The whole point is, whatever you're doing, that's what fulfills you. If you're totally with it, that's shikantaza. That's nirvana. You never get bored. Because everything, the slight, every single thing is fulfilling you.

[49:21]

Why is it fulfilling you? Because you're taking it on completely. Very simple, just do everything completely. That's called saying one thing through to the end. That's the meaning of saying one thing through to the end. Nirvana, just do every single thing that you do with your whole body and mind. And then it's fulfilling. Washing the dishes is fulfilling. Sweeping the floor is fulfilling. Picking up crumbs. picking weeds. That's monastic practice. Just doing dumb stuff. But we need all these extravagant things, more and more extravagant things to make us happy. That's the problem. So, you know, we get way up here and our foundation gets slimmer and slimmer and our head gets bigger and bigger.

[50:26]

And so we're standing on his little feet with his big head. Zen practice is more like a pyramid. All the weight is at the bottom. That's the position of Zazen. Stability. And this, nothing, not much is happening. But what is happening up here is very vital. and fundamental, hopefully. So that's it.

[51:01]

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