I vow to chase the truth of the Tartagus world. Still chapter 7?

[01:13]

Yeah. Well, it is. It was right after where we left off last time. I think it might be 116 in the newer version, newer edition. Where, biku chitom? That's right. Biku chitom. for the meaning of Prikaya and for Prajna? Yes. That's where you want to start? Yes. So this particular section is one of the most difficult to grasp. But it's one of my favorite, maybe my favorite thing in the Sutra, or one of my favorite things in the Sutra. But because

[02:16]

It expresses so much of Mahayana Buddhist understanding because it really talks about or expresses the transformation to enlightenment and the understanding of what Buddha is. So there are three concepts that are overlapping and interweaving. The concept of the three bodies of Buddha, the concept of the eight or nine levels of consciousness, and the concept of the four wisdoms. So these three levels, or these three sheets or this section expresses how they are overlapping with each other.

[03:29]

In the last, the previous section, it was discussing the Lotus Sutra meaning of the Lotus Sutra. And in this section, it's discussing the meaning of the Lankavatara Sutra. The Lankavatara Sutra was a sutra which Bodhidharma is supposed to have brought with him from India to China and introduced as the Zen Sutra. And then the fifth ancestor talked more about the Diamond Sutra. So it is a Zen Sutra, but it's not the Zen Sutra.

[04:35]

There is no the Zen Sutra. The Avatamsaka Sutra is supposed to be the Zen Sutra. So whenever anyone talks about a sutra connected with or expressed through the eyes of Zen, it's called the Zen Sutra. So anyway, they're all Zen sutras. All the sutras are Zen sutras, so don't worry about it. And the Lankavatara is a very difficult sutra because of the way it's put together to grasp. But the Lankavatara sutra expresses and explicates the notion of that alaya-vijnana and the eight levels of consciousness together.

[05:38]

And so this is a, this sutra is actually more of a Visnapti Matrata Sutra. Visnapti Matrata was a school of Buddhism, the consciousness only school, the school which developed the level, the understanding of consciousness within Buddhism. The deep study of consciousness was developed through that Vijnapti Mantra school, also sometimes associated with and called the Yogacara school. You may be more familiar with that term. The Madhyamaka school, the middle way school of Nagarjuna, was the school of negation. Not this, not this, not this.

[06:40]

Nagarjuna was a wonderful logician who didn't deny anyone's delusions. But when he dialogued with them, he led them to see the fallacy of their own delusions. and by continually negating their conclusions. So, Majanaka is more of a negative school. It presents the negative side, the emptiness side, actually. Heart Sutra is very much related to the Madhyamaka school in Nagarjuna. The Yogacara school was more the school of the positive, presenting the positive side of consciousness.

[08:00]

that emphasizing the fact that everything is your own nature. Everything is your own self. All things are your true body. I think you once called it the synthesis school. The synthesis, yeah. School of synthesis. That's right. So, I'll start reading. Bhikkhu Chidong, a native of Xiaozhou of Anfeng, had read the Lankavatara Sutra nearly 1,000 times. So here's someone who's read it nearly 1,000 times. The first person who read the Lotus Sutra 3,000 times. It's much easier to read. Bhikkhu Chittong read the Lankavataras nearly a thousand times, but he could not understand the meaning of Trikaya and the Four Prajnas. Thereupon, he called upon the patriarch for an interpretation.

[09:05]

So, at some point, maybe around the first century, with the introduction of the Mahayana, or with the ascendancy of Mahayana schools of Buddhism, became a problem of who is Buddha? Because in the beginning, there was this man, Shakyamuni, who people were practicing with. He was the teacher. And then after the teacher dies, then the disciples continue. But there's also something else which the original teacher embodies. So as the original teacher becomes more remote, there becomes a religious aura which tends to elevate a person of this kind, like Jesus is elevated.

[10:15]

The more removed one becomes from the person, the more elevated and expansive they become. So Buddhism, the lofty theory and lofty understanding transcends the person. So what was Buddha embodying? Well, he was embodying, I don't know, the cosmos. Shakyamuni was a phenomenal expression of the whole cosmos, just like everyone else, and like everything else is a phenomenal expression of the cosmos. So if it's just Buddha the person, that's too narrow a

[11:19]

I wouldn't say object, subject, too narrow a subject for such a lofty understanding. So the Mahayana Buddhists came up with the three bodies of Buddha. The dharmakaya, kaya is body, right? And in the meal sutra, we have the dharmakaya, sambhogakaya, and nirmanakaya, Buddha, the three. So we say the vairocana, dharmakaya, Buddha, right? And along with the three bodies of Buddha, there was a whole development of Buddhology in which we have, you know, the Tibetans have carried this tradition and developed it, you know, through their Thangkas and so forth.

[12:27]

So, we have the Vairocana Buddha. Vairocana represents, is the embodiment of Dharmakaya. And Vairocana is the Buddha of light, who is completely still and emanates. Everything is emanated from Vairochana Buddha. But Vairochana Buddha is not God. There is no God in Buddhism. It's not that there is no God in Buddhism. Buddhism is neither theistic nor atheistic. People say, well, Buddhism is atheistic. But Buddhism is non-theistic. And it's non-atheistic. It's just not a concept in Buddhism. Because God is a concept.

[13:27]

God is a thought. So Buddhists don't think in those terms. Vairācana Buddha represents the potential of form and emptiness and embodies the primal energy. And the primal energy is continually emanating from Vairācana Buddha. And the energy takes many forms. But Vairochana Buddha is both intimately the forms and at the same time totally independent. So in order to include Buddha as a cosmological entity, they developed the idea of Mahayana Vairochana Buddha.

[14:45]

I mean, Mahayana, Dharmakaya, Vairochana Buddha. So then the person who is Buddha also has to be included. So that's the Nirmanakaya Buddha, the person who walks and talks and gives sermons and has moles and things like that and faults. Shakyamuni Buddha had faults. We should understand that. And then, in between, there's something in between, which is the spirit of Buddha nature.

[15:51]

It's like Dharmakaya and Nirmanakaya are back to back, but in between is Sambhogakaya Buddha. which is not any particular manifestation. But sambhogakaya is like the energy which is in transformation. It's like the light which is in transformation and which motivates all the little nirmanakayas. Is that the expression? Well, Samantabhadra is the bodhisattva of infinite practices.

[16:55]

So bodhisattvas are buddhas, but they're a little different. They're buddhas in the sense that they are buddhas who represent certain aspects of practice. Suzuki Hiroshi said, who wrote the Lotus Sutra? Well, you know, they say Shakyamuni Buddha, in a sermon, spoke the Lotus Sutra. And then 400 years later, the Lotus Sutra appeared. But we know that there's a lot of gap in between. A 400 years gap is quite a bit when people haven't written anything down. And all of the hundreds of sutras which came from India, if Shakyamuni Buddha actually spoke them, he would have had to live longer than 80 years, or at least the 40 years that he taught.

[18:15]

These sutras are inspired by Shakyamuni Buddha, but they're written by somebody else. So this inspiration to write the Loda Sutra, it's true, yes, the Loda Sutra was written by Buddha, but not by Shakyamuni Buddha, but by Sambhogakaya Buddha, the spirit of Shakyamuni, or the spirit of Dharmakaya, which is embodied in Nirmanakaya. So they developed these three bodies of Buddha. Dharmakaya, Vairojana Buddha, Sambhogakaya, Lojjana Buddha. Lojjana Buddha is like Mochana Buddha is... Do you remember?

[19:46]

I'm trying to think, but it's slipping my mind. It's one that's associated with Avalokiteshvara. Well, it is Avalokiteshvara, but Avalokiteshvara is a Bodhisattva and Mochana Buddha wears Avalokiteshvara in his crown. Vice versa. Huh? Vice versa. Avalokiteshvara wears that buddha in his headpiece, the top headpiece. That's right, he wears that buddha in his headpiece. And then the Nirmanakaya Shakyamuni Buddha. We used to say numerous nirmanakaya shakyamuni buddhas. In the meal chant we used to say the numerous nirmanakaya shakyamuni buddhas all over the world, which means potentially those who have realization, or directly those who have realization, but potentially everyone.

[20:57]

Everyone who through each person, as nirmanakaya put it. And I thought, well, it's a little like the three bodies of Christ, but it's not. In Byzantium, in the Byzantine Empire, they argued about the three bodies of Jesus, about what those really were for about 800 years. So it's a little different, but it has a lot of similarity. Yeah, Amida Buddha, thank you.

[22:12]

Lochana Buddha is the Amida Buddha. So Bhikkhu, I'll start again. Bhikkhu Chittam, a native of Chau Chau of An Phong, had read the Lankavatara Sutra nearly a thousand times, but he could not understand the meaning of the Trikaya and the Four Prajnas. Thereupon, he called on the patriarch for an interpretation. As to the three bodies, explained the patriarch, The pure dharmakaya is your essential nature. So the nature of everything is informed, is motivated by dharmakaya. Dharmakaya is behind everything and has no particular shape or form. And there's no way that you can describe it. The perfect sambhogakaya is your wisdom. And the myriad nirmanakayas are your actions.

[23:20]

So you can see how that equates with what I said. You could say that dharmakaya is what is latent. Sambhogakaya is awakened, awakening, your awakened nature. And nirmanakaya is your transforming nature, nature of transformation, which is this body, mind, which is constantly in transformation. So he says, if you deal with these three bodies apart from the essence of mind, there would be bodies without wisdom. If you realize that these three bodies have no positive essence of their own, because they are only the properties of the essence of mind, you attain the bodhi of the four prajnas.

[24:25]

The four prajnas are the four wisdoms. Prajna means wisdom. So the three bodies have no essence of their own, no positive essence, because they're only properties of the essence of mind. So essence of mind is what is the essence of dharmakaya. And sambhogakaya is just an expression of dharmakaya. And nirvanakaya is an expression of dharmakaya. So the three bodies are really our own body, mind. They're not something outside of us, but each one of us is dharmakaya, sambodhikaya, and nirmanakaya. So what he's doing, as he does, is demythologizing this intellectual side of Buddhism, which, if you've ever read any, well, Mahayana path to enlightenment, you think he's talking about the path to enlightenment for the gods, rather than for human beings.

[25:37]

So he's taking it and saying, this is really the path for human beings, all this stuff that is for you, it's not for some other level of being. So he says, listen to my stanza. The three bodies, dharmakāya, sambhāmakāya and māyākāya, are inherent in our essence of mind, by development of which the four prajñās are manifested. Thus, without shutting your eyes and your ears to keep away from the external world, you may reach Buddhahood directly. Now that I have made this plain to you, believe it firmly and you will be free from delusion forever. Follow not those who seek enlightenment from without. These people talk about Bodhi all the time, but they never find it. Now, I haven't explained what the four wisdoms are yet, although I do that from time to time.

[26:42]

Some of you know, and some of you haven't. The highest wisdom, Not the highest wisdom, because there are none of them. It's not a real high. Although there's a hierarchy, in the hierarchy, they're all equal. In the hierarchy, things are all equal, although we give them an unequal categorization. The great mirror of wisdom. great equality wisdom, the marvelous discerning wisdom, and the perfection of action wisdom. Those are the four wisdoms. So he says the three bodies are inherent in our essence of mind.

[27:52]

by development of which the four prajnas are manifested. In other words, through the development of the three bodies, the four prajnas become manifest, the four wisdoms become manifest through the development. I don't know, it's a little funny to say development, actually. But I want to go on. It'll all become clear. May I know something about the four prajnas, asked Chittam. If you understand the three bodies, replied the patriarch, you should also understand the four prajnas as well. So your question is quite unnecessary. If you deal with the four prajnas apart from the three bodies, there would be prajnas without bodies, in which case they would not be prajnas. In other words, they'd be the four Wisdoms that are disembodied, because the four Wisdoms have to be Wisdoms which have some foundation, right?

[29:05]

It means they would just be concepts. Yeah, well yes, they would just be concepts, empty concepts. They have to have a foundation in our essential nature, our wisdom nature, and our transformation nature. So he's emphasizing the fact that this is your four wisdoms, not just some pie in the sky. So the patriarch then uttered another stanza. The wisdom mirror, he says, first, The mirror-like wisdom is pure by nature. The equality wisdom frees the mind from all impediments. The all-discerning wisdom sees things intuitively without going through the process of reasoning. And the all-performing wisdom has the same characteristics as the mirror-like wisdom. So I want to talk about that a little bit.

[30:13]

Usually we think in terms of a self, right? And then Buddhism says there is no self. There is no substantial self. And then they say if you enter into Buddhist practice, abandon the self. Let go of the self. Well, if you let go of the self, what do you have? This is what scares people. If I let go of the self, I have nothing. But I won't get anything. What? Or I won't get anything. I won't get anything, yes. But there's nobody to get it. But through the practice, through the understanding of the three bodies and letting go of the self, the four wisdoms take the place of the self.

[31:20]

So instead of a self-centered being, one becomes a wisdom being. So selflessness transforms into the four wisdoms. The mirror was, I'll go on because, and then come back to this. The first five, now he's talking about consciousness. Okay, and there are eight levels of consciousness according to this system, this model. Sometimes you start at the top and go down, sometimes you start at the bottom and go up. He's talking about the first five vijnanas. Consciousness dependent respectively upon the five sense organs.

[32:26]

So the first five consciousnesses are the consciousness of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching. Those are the first five. Consciousness through the five sense organs. And the five senses are the doorways of perception, as Althous Huxley says. The doorways of perception, the five senses, plus the mind sense, or thinking mind, is also a doorway of perception. perception is a part of consciousness, is an aspect of consciousness. So the first five sense consciousnesses, which are

[33:30]

more heavy or mundane consciousness, plus the sixth level of consciousness, which is thinking, thought consciousness, work together as a unit, unity in unity. And the sixth consciousness, which is thought consciousness, distinguishes or discriminates between the sense consciousnesses. It separates and distinguishes. So we say, we look through the eye and we say, I see, rather than looking through the eye and say, I hear. If consciousness, if mind consciousness is not distinguishing correctly, then instead of seeing something, we say, I hear it through my eye. Although, when one is enlightened, one is supposed to be able to hear through the eye or see through the nose.

[34:47]

But I won't go into that. And then the seventh level of consciousness is the level of consciousness which is the self-centering consciousness, the ego consciousness, the consciousness which is aware of separation and which thinks of itself as an entity. And this is called false consciousness or delusive consciousness, which we all have. Consciousness which upside down, or diluted consciousness. And then the eighth level of consciousness is the alaya consciousness, which is the storehouse consciousness.

[35:59]

The storage stores all of our memories and actions. And it's also called the seed consciousness. So for every thought and action, there's a seed planted in this consciousness. Everything we've ever done or thought or perceived is in the computer, in this computer consciousness. It's the database. The database. And when we click the mouse, It all butts up on the screen. Yes? What happens when it has a virus? When it has a virus? Well... Illusion? I don't know. But this is called, in the old schools, they talked about watering the seeds, and the seeds sprout according to the conditions.

[37:14]

And this is the source of habit energy. After you do something three times, my theory is, if you do something once, you can get away with it, usually, If you do it twice, you're kind of wavering on getting away from it or going into it. If you do it a third time, it's a habit. And then if you don't stop at that point, you continue, the cycle of watering and sprouting continues. So sometime we'll study Vasubandhu's 30 stanzas, which give an exposition of the alive vajrana and the eight levels of consciousness.

[38:25]

So here in the text, he says, the first five vijnanas, consciousness dependent relatively on the five sense organs, and the alaya vijnana, that's the five and the storehouse, or universal consciousness, are transmuted to prajna in the Buddha stage. So I'll just go on. I won't explain it right now. Well, the klista-mano-vijnana, which is the seventh ego consciousness, that's soiled mind consciousness or diluted mind consciousness of self-consciousness. And the mano-vijnana, which is thinking consciousness, the sixth, are transmuted in the bodhisattva stage. So in the bodhisattva stage, the thinking mind and the delusive consciousness or self-consciousness are transmuted in the bodhisattva stage, whereas the alaya-vijnana

[39:54]

five consciousnesses of sense are transmuted in the Buddha stage. Now, this transmutation, I have to explain a little bit about that, although he does explain it. He says, when ordinarily we call these eight consciousnesses consciousness, But when they're transmuted through letting go of ego, and ego takes its rightful place, then they're no longer called consciousness, they're called wisdom. In other words, when we let go of self, consciousness transmutes into wisdom. and is no longer called consciousness. It's called the four wisdoms. So he says, the first five vijnanas and the alaya vijnana, the storehouse or universal consciousness, are transmuted to prajna or wisdom in the Buddha stage.

[41:13]

while the klista-mano-vijnana, which is the seventh, the so-called mind consciousness or self-consciousness, and the mano-vijnana, which is the sixth or thinking consciousness, are transmuted in the bodhisattva stage. And then there's the footnote. And I'll read the footnote. It is in the first, or mudita. Mudita means Sympathetic joy is one of the four brahma viharas. It is in the first mudita or joyous stage when a bodhisattva realizes the voidness of self in dharma. In other words, the voidness of self in things. In other words, the message of the Prajnaparamita is that both self and things are empty.

[42:18]

In the development of Buddhism, everyone realized that there's no self, that self is empty. But they didn't get to where they said that things, all dharmas, are also empty. And this is the message of the Prajnaparamita, is that not only Are we empty of self? But all things, we're empty of things as well as self. All things are empty, totally. Everything is totally empty. And this is also the message of the Sixth Patriarch, who restates it by saying, the mirror, where can the dust align in the mirror? There's nothing to wipe. So it is in the first, or mudita stage, or joyous stage, when a bodhisattva realizes the voidness of both self and dharmas, or things, that he transmutes the seventh consciousness, or ego consciousness, the klista-mano-vijnana, to the all-discerning wisdom.

[43:29]

Actually, that's not true. All-discerning wisdom, because I don't want to say it's not true, but he uses different terms than I usually use. The seventh consciousness transmutes to the wisdom of equality. I have to explain that a little bit. consciousness, levels of consciousness are transmuted, the alaya-vijnana transmutes to the, becomes the great mirror wisdom. It reflects everything without interference. In other words, when whatever comes into view is seen just as it is, without partiality.

[44:35]

say, oh, that's Joe Smith. I know him. That's not the mirror of wisdom. The mirror of wisdom sees what Joe Smith really is without anything in between, without any kind of idea about it, which limits your understanding. So the mirror of wisdom is just like a mirror. What is seen is seen totally, accurately, without distortion. Without the distortion of the thinking mind. And the seventh consciousness, which is ego, when it's transmuted, it sees everything as equal. It sees the equality of all things. There is nothing higher or lower. Everything is totally equal because there's no duality to be seen.

[45:47]

And then the mind consciousness, when it's transformed, is called... that's what it's called level without imposing values on the hierarchy. In other words, to see all discerning wisdom, we'll see a mouse as a human being without thinking the human being is greater than the mouse. But we'll see how each thing, each entity, plays its part in the whole. So some things are strong and some things are weak.

[46:51]

Some things are big and some things are small. Some things seem to be insignificant, but everything is significant. So the all-discerning wisdom sees the significance of even the smallest entity. or the most trivial entity, so-called, and realize that nothing is trivial. And then when Buddhahood is attained, the first five vijnanas, the sense vijnanas will be transmuted to the all-performing wisdom and the alaya-vijnana to mirror-like wisdom. The five senses become the all-performing wisdom. In other words, our actions become the actions of wisdom, rather than the actions of self-centeredness or ego.

[47:56]

And this is why they say an enlightened person can't do anything wrong. because that person is no longer a person in the usual sense but the ego has been totally transformed into the four wisdoms but the problem with that is there are very few people like that and there are people who would like to claim this. I said, well, because I'm enlightened, everything I do is, you know, OK. This is the false enlightenment. Yes? Could I ask some very quick questions? So we can get off to a small short break. Can you ask your question after the break?

[49:00]

Sure. Or maybe during the break. No, no. Let's take a one minute break. Totally take a break. So these are really quick questions. I still get caught every time. And it has to do with your commentary. Empty. When you talk about emptiness, I still hear vacuity. You still hear vacuity? Yeah. And very immediately, I sort of correct myself when I say, it means empty of a separate self. Yes. You're right. You answered your own question. So are you then giving yourself a separate self? Yes. OK. You also said to talk at one point about the proper place of ego. What is the proper place of ego? OK. I'll explain that when everybody sits down. When everybody sits down.

[50:07]

Originally, the seventh consciousness has a function. To the best of my understanding, the function of the seventh consciousness is to convey messages from the eighth consciousness to the sixth consciousness. It's a consciousness which is a conveyor, but because it becomes fooled into thinking, because it is the conveyor of information, it has the information, It thinks of itself as a pivotal entity.

[51:12]

And around this idea of a pivotal entity, independent pivotal entity, it creates the illusion of a substantial self. When realization takes place, it no longer has that false concept and goes back to its original function, which is getting out of the way and doing its work. If you look at society, if everybody just kind of got out of the way and did their work, society wouldn't have these problems. But everyone wants something according to our sense of self-consciousness.

[52:23]

So self-consciousness keeps building a bigger and bigger ego entity. And then we fight each other. argue, and so forth. The third question that I have is, I overheard you mention about seeing someone and saying, oh yeah, that's Joe, I know him, and saying that's not the mirror-like wisdom. Right. The mirror would see the totality of Joe. Right. Is eschatology suchness, eschatology compulsive form, are form and suchness the same or different? Well, let's put it in a simple way. That perception would not be influenced by judgment or preconceptions.

[53:29]

In other words, Consciousness would be open to what's really there, rather than meeting some Joe with preconceptions. Oh, I know who Joe is. He's going to act like this. But to just be open, even if Joe does act like that. Right. I guess what I was wondering is, do you just see the form, Joe, or You are the form, Joe. You just see things as they are. You know, you can start dividing it up into the form, and the form is emptiness. Are you using that word now in a different time than separate from self?

[54:34]

So, if Joe is just a word, you know, Joe is just a name that we give something, but as soon as we give the name, then we have an idea about, right? And so, we're no longer saying things, we create a certain boundary as soon as we do that. we see the person within the boundary of the name. Okay? It's just an example, right? To follow up on that, for our practice, if there's history with a person that has caused some problems in our lives and all that, is the idea of practicing to see them without judgment initially on subsequent meetings with maybe the hope or potential that this is a new meeting and there could be some change and then when something happens and it just kind of reflects back on this history then we

[55:57]

See, I think we see things on more than one level. There's the level of experience when you know, or you think you know, that how a person is going to respond, and how you're going to respond to that person, through experience, right? But then there's another level, which you're more open than that. and you're open to just what's happening and which is not being conditioned by your experience. So there's both, you know, those levels overlap with each other. For instance, you know, you encounter somebody that you feel is incorrigible.

[57:04]

But at the same time, it makes you angry, or brings up, or nobody makes you angry. You become angry through this association. That's one way of seeing clearly, is that this person is not making you angry. Well, this person may try to make you angry. That also may happen. The anger that comes up and what you do about it is totally up to you. Although some people don't have control, it's true. But we have the ability to be open to the person as a mirror and allow that there is another, something else could happen. rather than just being on the level where you feel that you know what's going to happen through your experience.

[58:10]

And you don't see any other way that you can relate to this person. So if one is totally open as a mirror, the way one relates to that person is different than if one is... You know what I mean? And in the case where one is conditioned, it would seem as though in order to get to some ability to see that person, one would have to really be very aware of one's conditioning. And the fact that that is where it's acting. That's like in the middle. That's right. But we have to do that, because you can't deny the conditioning. So there's more than one level. There's the conditioned level and the unconditioned level. The conditioned level says, I know what's going to happen. Because it'd be rather naive not to. And the unconditioned level says, I don't know what's going to happen.

[59:15]

I'm open to just seeing this as it is, rather than not letting the conditioning control everything. Now I have a concrete example here. all this time, and I have no solution to it. And that's my own father, who is extremely difficult for me to deal with. And I try to initiate a selfish contact with him, but I could not avoid feeling hurt each and every time that I do that. And it doesn't feel well for me to stay away from him either. Somehow it doesn't feel right. And yet I cannot, and I don't want to subject myself to those feelings that happen when I'm with him.

[60:20]

So I'm in this bind. What do you say to that? You know these paddles that have a ball and a string attached? And you go like this, you know? Well, every time you go like this, the ball goes out and comes back. And every time it comes back, it gets smacked, right? So how do you stop that habit of allowing yourself to do that? The most difficult thing to do with a lover that is going away is to cut the string. In other words, we probably all experience this, that we have a lover, and then the lover says, well, I'd rather be with somebody else than you.

[61:26]

he goes away or she goes away, but still hovering around, you know. But you want this person to come back, you know. You don't want to let them go. So the person that's left is the one that suffers the most. And the person that does the leaving has the upper hand because they've decided what to do. But you have not decided what to do. So as long as you haven't decided what to do, you're caught by that string, which is attached to the ball. It keeps slapping you. And until you cut it, you'll suffer. What does that mean, to cut the string? To cut the string doesn't mean to cut the person off. It just means to make yourself independent. As long as you are dependent, you become a punching bag. because your father, and I'm not a psychologist, your father reacts to you for some reason, I don't know why, but he's using you as a punching bag.

[62:43]

You're the scapegoat. He's chosen you to be the scapegoat, you know, unconsciously. And because you love him, and you want his attention, you stand there and you take the punches. And he said, don't do that, I can't help it. So until you start, get out of the way, because you're becoming codependent with his aggression. You've become the codependent partner of his aggression. And it's very painful to cut it, to cut the string. Really painful. Like with a lover, you know, if my lover leaves, I'll die. But the only way to become independent and stop your suffering is to cut the string. And then you can be friends with that person. A year later, hi! And the person will admire you because you've become independent. They don't like you because you are dependent.

[63:44]

The person that you're dependent on does not like you. And this is the case with relationships. Most relationships that don't work, don't work because they're unequal. All relationships are unequal and you make this adjustment to equality. Little by little you make adjustments to equality and sometimes you can't. But if you can't make the adjustment to equality the person in the dominant position will start taking it out on the dependent one, because they don't want that dependency, you know? They don't want to... It's a weight for them, you know? And when you leave, then they say, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, where did you go?

[64:46]

Don't go away. At least that comes up for them. Psychologically, it's true. You're just putting yourself in this position to allow your father to take out his aggression on you. It's not you. You're the scapegoat of the family. He has to put it somewhere. He's got this energy that has to go somewhere, and that's in rejection. and somehow you have to stand out of the way and let him fall down. This is, you know, the principle of Aikido. How do you relate this in the seventh and the eighth consciousness, in the cutting of the string?

[65:49]

To accept the painfulness of stepping out of the way is a step toward letting go of ego. Because when we step out of the way, when we cut that, let's say step out of the way and say, I'm not going to take this anymore, and actually do that, then you take the consequences of your action. Okay, maybe I'll never see him again. Maybe he won't ever look at me again, but I have to do this. That's taking the ego and putting it aside. That's taking the seven consciousness and transforming it to equality. Now, risk making it sound also awkward. My dilemma is that if I'm fretting now in August, next month is a relative's wedding, to which he and I are both invited, and I will have to face him, face to face, in this kind of feeling.

[67:28]

And I'm fretting like hell, I don't know how to relate to him in that kind of circumstance. Well, we did talk about this once before. David? And at that exact point, it was possible for us to at least come to an understanding that although we were different, we were equal. And I see wisdom in that.

[68:29]

And as to how that was done, I'm not quite sure, except that it became clear that we had different value structures. despite each other's boundaries, but not giving a huge. That was one way of doing it. Yeah. I think that one way of dealing with it is to write him a letter and tell him what your feelings are. And a well thought out way to tell him what your feelings are and to tell him that you don't want to carry on this kind of relationship anymore. I did that 20 years ago.

[69:35]

But you didn't do it. I think... In order to save your life, you have to abandon ship. So I would just, you know, take the pain of letting him go and letting him know that. You know, I think that parents put buttons in babies that they know that they can touch and control them from the time that you are absolutely pre-lingual. And if you think about what they are, you can cut the string on those little sore spots, because he knows right where to get you.

[70:44]

Every single time. You can be there, you can feel perfectly relaxed, and you'll just, ah, he'll have got you. If you know where they are, and you think carefully about where they are, you can make yourself invincible to them, like, oh, okay, it's that. And you can, I've been through this with my mother very, very deeply. And there were times when I would just goo-hoo crying if I just thought she was gonna come and see me, or call me on the telephone, or something like that. But now we're very much closer, and very good friends, because the ways that she used to hurt me, I'm not vulnerable to those little places that she can come and get me anymore. And I see her differently as a person that really wanted me to be a certain way. Parents like to clone.

[71:46]

They have babies because they want to make themselves. And if you don't subscribe completely, they will whip you into shape till the day that you die or they die. And even afterwards, if you're not careful. Yeah. If you just think through it very carefully, what does he say hurts me that bad? Because he put it there and knows just where it is to get you. You know, I remember as a child, my mother used to make us all cry at the same time. We were five children. We would all be crying. And she knew just how to get us. You know, we'd just all be out like that. And then you can get free of him. And the relationship gets better, too. When they can't get you, then they think you're wise. You know, like somehow, oh.

[72:48]

Oh, my children are so wild. It is true that that happened very recently to me. I was in a wedding this weekend, last weekend, and my husband and I are separated. And I sort of had to resolve, I don't care what he does with her, it's not going to hurt me. I'm just going to see it. And I must say that I could see my feelings arise, and I was just looking at that with my breath. And pretty soon, it looked like he could do anything he wanted to do, and it looked like it wasn't touching me. And as a consequence, I was able to be closer to him. We're resolving to look at what brings it on.

[74:07]

How can people avoid selfishness? How do we avoid selfishness? How can I get rid of it? I think one has to make an effort. to work for the benefit of others. I would give them more advantage in a very different way. Well, you know, work for the benefit of others without worrying about result. But trying to do that because of limited ability They're wanting.

[75:52]

They're what? I mean, all people are wanting different. And heart is different to want different heart and so on. So it's just how I can be uphold and how I can be said make them happy. No matter how much I try too hard to not be selfish, but still by ability that I couldn't reach in the heart. Then how can I try?

[76:54]

Is it just to try? Yeah, just to keep trying. And to be aware. Oh, this is wanting, this is desire. And just to be aware of how that comes up. Always be aware. And then to say, well, what else could I do besides this? How else can I act besides through this impulse that I have? And every time an impulse arises, oh, this is, you know, selfish impulse, right? What else can I do other than act on it? what else, maybe I could set it aside and do something else. So that way, to be aware, moment of moment, by moment, of how things come up. And then decide, well, what else could I do besides that?

[77:56]

That way you can practice. And don't worry about other people, what they think you're doing. I mean, I'm not worried about the result. I feel sometimes very sad. I like that because I have a son who was born with a butterfly and a bird. The whole body is a bird. His view is very negative. We just argue a little bit. And we are getting more closer, but still his desire to hurt and my trying, sometimes it's not agreed.

[78:59]

So I'm just trying, just trying. But I feel that I'm not fully helping him satisfy more. So just I'm trying, trying. That's because I think his life invitation is a little different than his. So, I'm just asking, no matter how I try to be Buddha-mind or more good heart, I feel that it's wise people are maybe put on the world, no matter how Buddhism says that we have all Buddha's nature, One different way. I'm not sure. Well, everyone has Buddha nature, but each one of us has our own personality. Different ability and different personality. I feel that it's not fair. No, life is not fair. If you realize that life is not fair, that will help you.

[80:04]

Because then you can accept the unfairness. That's really true, but it's just that I feel sad about even my own son is born different. I want a little bit different. I have to try. Try to match what just reached. But you know, if you just thought about the people in this room and how their parents saw them as, this is my child, And how each person looked at their parents and said, these are my parents. I think you'd find the same thing with everyone. But working together, things happen. And then some things will never happen. And so our expectation, you know, we want, we have expected, like, who said this?

[81:13]

Dali? But it's the same. that we want to be just, we want our parents, we want us to be just like them. Like Barbara. Barbara, yeah. Right. But it's never happened. So let go of expectations. We have them still. Although we have our expectations, we have to also let go of our expectations at the same time that we have them. And allow the butterfly to flap its wings in its own way, with your guidance. But how can you guide the butterfly, right? If you try to keep him down, it won't work. I can't tell you how, but if you continue to make effort, which is egoless, something will happen, because you won't be interfering.

[82:23]

You can help without interfering, without trying to create your child in your own image. The mere wisdom sees the child as it is. And then equality wisdom sees that the child is just like you. And the discerning wisdom sees that the child is a child and you are you. Distinct. And you can appreciate that. And then the perfecting of action wisdom puts it all into work. So, this is a wonderful model, you know, for realization. Anyway, yes? I was going to make a comment that sort of tied into the mirror wisdom aspect.

[83:31]

Relationship counseling and couples counseling often teach a technique of mirroring. Yeah, mirroring. Oh, yes. Really difficult. But it really does address what you just said. I think if you just listen to the other person and try to mirror back to what they said to you in your own words, you know, I hear you saying so-and-so, do you really mean that? It's very hard on your own ego. It is, because when somebody says something, that we have difficulty with, we put it into our own words, into our own thoughts, and just actually say it back the way they say it. It's very difficult. It can be very difficult, because it's not the way we want to hear it. So it's very difficult. Now, tell this person exactly what they said to you. So, to have that kind of awareness, to really take it in as it is, not as we construe it.

[84:50]

And to be able to give it back. Very important. But how old is your child? Next year he's going to go to college. I'm trying, but sometimes he still complains. I just have to try. And because his feelings seem so... I don't know, it's just a feeling.

[85:54]

Because he doesn't want anything. Too much childish. Too much. Too much baby-ish. Well, when he goes to college, that's good. He'll grow up. Well, I think he's going to keep that mind forever. I'm happy for him because he wants to be like that. But I'm 44 years old. I'm trying to reach his heart more closely and sometimes he's happy, my child, and sometimes he complains. So, I don't know how I can reach fully and not make a happy book, not just... Well, you know, sometimes

[86:57]

You have to go with, and sometimes you have to go against. That's life. We're all in the same boat. I think so. I mean, every ability seems different. For example, his cooking is different than mine. So... That's a little thing. I mean, he just go to school. I'm trying to support him, that the right support, best I can support. And after he learns, he become a very smart, very smart man. He looked down on me and, you know,

[88:00]

stupid mother. Yeah, you mother him too much. He doesn't know how to appreciate even though born with a natural heart. I think this is the last thing I'm going to say. When he goes to college, he will be on his own and it will be very good for him. And you have to have faith that Buddha nature will take care of him. I don't know why Jim is so wild. I mean, I feel that because he's not coming. He needs to take care of himself and fall down, and get up, and fall down, get up. That's what he needs, it sounds like. So it's hard on you, but he needs that. That's what I think.

[88:56]

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