Suzuki Roshi once characterized sashin as the practice of a turtle. The turtle draws in its leg, all its extensions, draws in its legs and its head and its tail, and just does its practice inside its shell. So, this is the turtle's retreat. And in our retreat, sometimes we wonder, why do we do this? At some point during Sashin, everyone, each one of us will say, why are we doing this?

[01:03]

On our first Sashin, just before our first Sashin, we say, am I ready? And mostly we think, no, I'm not. And here we are, first day of this Sashin, and There's still some doubt in most people's minds. Am I ready? Are we ready for this? It's a question. If we say yes, then we're being presumptuous. If we say no, we're being maybe too careful, too concerned. I always enter Sashin without thinking about it. I no longer think about it.

[02:15]

It's just another day, another step. So why do we sit Sashin? we can come up with a lot of reasons and all the reasons are good reasons but none of them are the reason so as long as we realize that none of the reasons are the reason we can explore the reasons and we can say oh this is the reason and that's the reason but we must not be attached to any of those reasons as the reason. The reason we sit sasheen is beyond our understanding.

[03:19]

Dogen says, to take the backward step, to take the turtle step, which illuminates our whole being. That's a good reason to sit Satsang. We take the backward step. It's like going into the closet and turning on the light. If you turn a flashlight on in the closet, it lights up the whole closet. But when you take the flashlight out at night, at midnight at Tassajara and turn it on, it's just a little speck of light in the whole universe. So when we go into our small house, into our narrow abode,

[04:34]

the light which is always there illuminates this narrow abode and we can enjoy it just for its own sake in its pure form we can just enjoy our original nature essence of mind, Buddha nature, divine light, in its pure form. But it's tasteless. In its pure form, it's tasteless, kind of like tofu.

[05:38]

before you put it in the frying pan and mix it with other things. Or it's more like poi. If you've ever been to Hawaii and eaten poi, the Hawaiians love it. But foreigners say, ugh, what's this? It's completely anti-taste. So, but if you, once we get a taste for this non-taste of original light, it tastes wonderful. There's an old saying that I heard, the food of the gods The delicious food of the gods tastes like nothing at all to ordinary mortals.

[06:47]

So when we sit in Sashim, taking the backward step and letting this original light illuminate body and mind. It's very concentrated. And when we go out in the world, the light is still there but We don't recognize it so well because it's like taking the flashlight out into the middle of Tassajara at midnight. It's still there, but it takes different forms and becomes hard to recognize, hard to see. So, every once in a while, we come back and take a look at it.

[08:16]

Take a good look at it. Soak ourself completely. Immerse ourself completely. Dogen calls it Jijuyu Zamae. Self-illuminating Samadhi, or self-joyous samadhi or self-fulfilling samadhi, being fully filled. So we withdraw all of our extensions in order to open ourselves completely So, on the one hand, cexin is withdrawal. On the other hand, it's completely opening, like a flower, completely opening up.

[09:25]

If you take a crumpled paper bag and fill it with air like all the wrinkles start to come out and it takes its extended shape this is what we should look for in sashimi to let all the wrinkles come out all the dents all the creases and completely open And the only way to completely open ourself is to completely give ourself. So, whatever self we have, this is our offering. What do I do with my ego? What do I do with my sense of self?

[10:34]

You can't throw it away. Whatever you throw away, does not disappear it goes somewhere people used to think if you want to throw something away throw it in the lake throw it in the ocean but unfortunately it remains in the lake it remains in the ocean so all we can do is offer it our ego, make an offering of our ego, of our sense of self. So to just offer ourself completely to the practice, to each moment's activity,

[11:37]

There's nothing else to do. There's no other way. There's only this moment's activity. This is a wonderful opportunity for us to immerse ourselves in just this moment. There's only one moment, we say. usually, from moment to moment. We go from moment to moment. But going from moment to moment is just a manner of speaking. When we sit tzazin in this way, we can realize there's only one moment. And the various activities are transforming in the space of this one moment. So we have this opportunity to experience reality from the point of view of just this one moment, this one endless moment.

[13:11]

Jijuyu Samadhi, self-fulfilling, self-illuminating, self-joyous, has another side called Tajuyu Samadhi. Tajuyu means other, the enjoyment of others, or the illumination within others, or the fulfillment of others. Our practice is not confined to GGU Samadhi. But within our Jijuyu Samadhi is also Tajuyu.

[14:37]

What we do for ourself is also what we do for others. If we think, I am doing this just for myself, it's not Zazen. That's a covering. So if we say, I do this for you, that's also a covering. So we just do Zazen for the sake of Zazen. We just practice for the sake of practice. When we do that, I am included and you are included. Everything is included. This takes away the barrier between self and other.

[15:45]

I don't do it for me, and I don't do it for you. I just do it for the sake of practice. But practice means including myself, yourself, So, as I said last night, admonition means various things, but in this case it means a kind of restatement of a reminder, actually, a kind of gentle reminder.

[16:54]

So I want to talk a little bit about zazen. I want to talk a little bit about breathing. To always keep our breathing in our tanden, in the area of our navel. or this is where our strength should be is in the area below your waist we should always put strength there but strength doesn't mean tension but attention so with attention our mind, to keep our mind at the center between the upper part of our body and the lower part of our body.

[18:05]

And at the point where our breath reaches, the lowest point of where our breath reaches, we don't actually breathe in our stomach, we breathe in our lungs. but the feeling is the lower abdomen when we breathe deeply the feeling is like it's in the lower abdomen so we watch our lower abdomen rise when we inhale and watch it contract when we exhale this is relaxed breathing easy breathing sometimes on the exhale people push a little bit This is a kind of unshu to make some effort when you exhale You can do that if you want you can try that as a kind of experiment If you don't do it when you exhale to put it it it kind of aerates And that's kind of aerobic light aerobic Exercise And it makes you feel a little bit light

[19:24]

But it can also make you feel a little bit heavy. If you're having a tough time in Zazen, your legs hurt a lot and you don't know what to do next, you can try. That's the time when you really get into breathing. Sometimes it's just one breath and then the next breath, you know, because it's very difficult. But that's a very good place to be. in Zazen, because it really focuses, you have to focus on breath. And then you can push a little on the exhale, a kind of silent hum, pushing the breath out. And you gain some strength that way. The best way, you know, is just to stay relaxed and even, no matter what's happening.

[20:29]

But that's not always possible for everyone. Not yet. But that's what we should be working toward. No matter what's happening, to get deeper and deeper into being open. rather than closing down. So when we have difficulty, the natural tendency is to close down. When we have fear, we tend to close up. And when we have anxiety, we tend to get tense. But in Zazen, we have to go the opposite way. When we have tenseness, we have to relax and open up. This should be a sign of open up. And when we have pain, we have to completely open up. So this is part of the process of flowering or unfolding, opening up.

[21:44]

Whatever it is, we have to open up to it. So, to keep working on posture and breathing openly, when we have anxiety, the breath comes up here. And as soon as you realize the breath is up here, to relax, open up, and let the breath fall. So, if your breath gets rough, during zazen, or you can't find it, or it's uneven, take some deep breaths and open up your lower abdomen, and then exhale. And when you exhale, just... Until your front and back start coming together. Push it all out, and then... A few times, do that.

[22:49]

and that will re-establish your breathing in your lower abdomen. So, I want us to keep our attention on our breath in our lower abdomen all the time. Not just sometimes, but continuously during Sashin. And not just when we're sitting, but all the time, walking, working, Kitchen, you know, kitchen work is kitchen sashim. It's not like some of us are sitting zazen here in the zendo and some of us are working in the kitchen making the food for them. It looks like that, but kitchen is sashim. How you, it's working zazen. working sashim, paying attention to how you chop the vegetables, how you take care of the pots and pans, how you move around each other harmoniously, how you let go of the tensions and tenseness that build up, and how you keep your attention on your breathing in your lower abdomen.

[24:14]

all this activity is Sushin. So sometimes people in the kitchen want to sit. In the old days, kitchen workers never sat Sushin in Zendo because it was understood that Sushin takes place in the kitchen. But, I don't want to argue that point, but people who are working in the kitchen are doing sasheen in the kitchen as they work. And we also have a work period during sasheen. And that work period is also sasheen mind.

[25:20]

Sachine body, Sachine mind. And we allow the pressure, so-called pressure, to keep building, not leaking, not being leaky. We're all a little bit leaky, you know. I think we have to admit to ourselves that we're all a little bit leaky. And we should accept the fact that we're all a little bit leaky, so we don't criticize ourselves too much. But we should make the effort to not leak. A leaky boat still sails. But if it gets too leaky, it starts to sink. So we should be careful. The main thing that I want to emphasize is when you have difficulty to not get tense, to not build up a defense against the difficulty.

[26:31]

Defensiveness is closing down. And the purpose of Sashin is to open up. So when you find yourself closing down, Stop and open up. Stop and let go. Sishin is just a lesson, a great lesson in life. All the things we need to learn are right here in Sishin. If we hang on to our delusions, we suffer. And if we let go, even though we have some pain, some difficulty, it's not the same as suffering. So at the same time that we make a big effort to sit up straight,

[27:44]

not leaning to the left, not leaning to the right, not leaning forward or backward, but making that effort to maintain balance and sit up as straight as we can and put effort into our posture. At the same time, we should not be tense. We could structure and form with some tension, but not being tense. To continuously let go of tenseness and continuously open up. When we sit, the thought of sitting should be opening up. This is the only thought that we need to have. Open up. Stay open. Stay open. Stay open. and stay loose and relaxed without resentment and without anticipation.

[28:56]

We can't help but think sometimes, when will the bell ring? But that's just another passing thought. just like all the other passing thoughts. As soon as you attach to that thought, you're already lost. So, as much as possible, to resist the temptation to be attached to anticipating anything, All day, we've been waiting for the rain. It could come at any moment. The breeze is blowing, sometimes gusty winds.

[30:06]

Something's in the air. I saw a plastic bottle being blown down the path. When will it rain? But just stay with the condition. Just stay with the condition the way it is. When it rains, then it'll rain. It's already being taken care of. When the bell rings, it'll rain. It's already being taken care of. So we close down in order to open up.

[31:10]

We restrict ourselves in this way in order to find our perfect freedom. and if you need any encouragement from time to time we'll carry the stick. I know that for some people the stick seems menacing or brings you back to your childhood when you were beaten or something but sometimes we use the stick and it's very helpful for people

[32:32]

We never hit anyone unless they want to be hit. And there's some people who I wouldn't hit even if they wanted to be hit. But it helps us to keep some vibrancy in a zendo. It's easy to fall into a kind of lethargy or sleepiness or drowsy feeling as the days go on. So once in a while, just to hear that sound wakes everybody up. And if you're startled, you may not like it, but it's good for you. Oh, oh yeah, I'm in the Zendo, that's right.

[33:36]

I forgot. I forgot where I was. So it kind of brings everybody back to right now, this moment, in this place. So if I say it's nice to get used to it, that's not so good either. We shouldn't get too used to it. But I think if we're more used to it, it doesn't bother us. It's not somebody's punishment. It's actually just a way of helping us. If it gets to be punishment, then we should not use it. You know, in certain practices, mostly Rinzai practice style, the stick is carried all the time.

[34:50]

And the Jikijutsu shouts at people to wake up and so forth. So there's always a kind of strong feeling in the Zendo. I don't think we need to have that stronger feeling. But I think we should have a strong feeling and an awake feeling. You know, there's certain practices where they do that in order to drive people to awakening, have satori, right? But for us, we should just wake up we're actually seated in the midst of Satori in the midst of enlightenment so just wake up and stay awake

[36:05]

I'm getting to be an old man, so I tend to fall asleep in Zazen more than most people. More than I used to. So you have to excuse me, but there's no excuse for the rest of you. So, When we talk about staying awake, sometimes people look at me and they say, oh yeah? But when I am awake, I always make a big effort in Zazen. When I stay awake, I put all my effort into sitting up straight, into my lower back. And if you make that kind of effort, your Zazen will be very strong. and you'll know why you're sitting Zazen. If you put all of your effort continuously into sitting up straight and attending to your breath, you'll know why you're sitting Zazen.

[37:22]

So, if you have any questions, you can please sign up for Doksan. And I don't know where my Jishya will be, but where will you be? By the bridge. And if it rains, he'll have an umbrella.

[37:54]

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