and surpassed my training and perfect karma. It is rarely met with fear and a hundred thousand million compass, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth. Good morning. Surprise. So I don't even know if everyone knows that it was supposed to be Mary Durye giving the talk today. So she won't be here today. So after breakfast, the tonto and the sushine director and Colleen met with us in the kitchen and said, oh, so what shall we do?

[01:19]

So we talked about various things and we decided that we would offer some encouraging words, particularly since this is day three of sushine, which In my experience, especially being at Tassajara, day three is often, the topic of the talk often starts out with, some of you may be wondering why you ever thought this was a good idea. So, maybe not. Maybe you're riding on waves of just peaceful. But however you are, I thought we'd just offer some encouraging words. I remembered after we had our consultation about how to meet the moment. I mean, we're always meeting the moment, right?

[02:22]

Hopefully. Hopefully. I mean, we always meet it. Sometimes it meets us, and sometimes we meet it. Yours is like, oh, you know, the thing I say so often that it's really annoying is, well, we'll see what happens. Because you never know. Are you both going to be in the heart today? Brush a bow for it. Does anybody sign up? Yes. But before I forget, I did want to say that I saw Laurie this morning and I said, well, is there any news? And she said that he's better. So, and that he was, she said he was more alert and saying names of Sanka members out loud. Like he was just kind of remembering people, you know.

[03:29]

So that's all I have to report on that. Okay. All the support she needs. Yeah. Are we still sitting with it? As far as I know, yes. So anyway, this popped into my mind. This is an old spoken word piece from Laurie Anderson. This was in the early 80s, I think. You're walking and you don't always realize it. but you're always falling. With each step, you fall forward slightly, and then from falling. Over and over, you're falling. And then catching yourself from falling. And this is how you can be walking and falling at the same time.

[04:33]

Laurie Anderson is also a Buddhist. I thought this is exactly our practice, you know, that we're walking and we're falling. We think we're on balance and suddenly we're not. But we think this is good and the out of balance is not good or even bad. But we can't walk. unless we're also out of balance, unless we're also falling. We're also letting ourselves fall. So this walking and falling. Often when we look forward, we want to have anchors, you know, even in Sushi. Faith will be better, or life will be amazing.

[05:38]

Which it will, but it may not solve all of your problems. And when we look back, we often, we can have this more, well, we can make a different set of meanings out of it where we realize that some of the things we thought were terrible that happened are actually creating the space for something to happen, something to be possible that wouldn't have been possible otherwise, that fallen having been created first. So please enjoy your fallen as much as you Walking is an acquired taste. But think of the many things in your life that have been an acquired taste and consider that this might be another one.

[06:50]

You're like, oh, rather than that. This morning, the conversation between the four of us was very playful. I, for one, can really feel like I'm falling when I have an idea. It's my fault or my responsibility. I get very tight. Something happens and it's clearly not my fault or my responsibility. I feel so free. You know, it's like, oh, what is this? What can we do now? And I can learn from the mind that I have when I'm free. that can help the mind that gets small and tight. And wherever you have your spaciousness, your freedom, maybe that part of you can help out the part that's like eek. You're on fire, keep going.

[08:03]

Yeah. Sashin is marvelous. I already said that. It's a gift that we give each other. It's frequently hard. Hard work. It's meant to be. It's designed that way. Even if you have a very good idea of what you signed up for, Probably gonna, well, excuse me for using some harsh language from the Dharma seat. I have, I don't know, 120 sashims maybe? I'm not sure. I'm gonna kick my ass. Guaranteed. At least at some point. That's not sashim.

[09:05]

I was invited. I was practicing at the city center. The leader of the practice parade invited me down to Tassahara. He says, come see sashim. Okay, sounds great. Rahasa sashim. It was raining the whole time. Every single period I was in misery. I was like, what am I doing? And Honesty, I've never regretted a single period of Zazen. I've never regretted any time I ever spent in the Zendo. Nope. Sojin Roshi like to say this Japanese expression, the cool breeze blows through the empty hall. A cool breeze blows through the empty hole.

[10:08]

And I asked him about that and he said, oh, that's an expression of what Zazen is like. If you're lucky. On a good day. But sometimes it might feel more like sandblaster. You know? It could. This period after period, just relentlessly staying present for whatever arises, relentlessly being with your stuff, being with your karma conditioning, and just allowing it to unravel, allowing you. It's amazing. I... have been enjoying very much talking with you, and I hope to talk to as many of you as possible.

[11:13]

I really want to get to know this Sangha better. Individual conversations is a big help for that, for me. Shoot, I'm still working on people's names. I feel like I'm maybe finally arriving at Berkeley Sashim. Maybe this sashim marks that for me, to be honest. Anyway, something that's come up in a few conversations was the word raw. I feel raw. And that's kind of great. Raw is good. Raw is All the stuff stripped away. Just this person. Just this person. Nothing extra. Raw.

[12:16]

I like raw. So, day three, in Japan, they say, Please persevere. This is Kishanti, excuse me, Virya, I meant to say. Virya Paramita. The practice of the perfection of energy and stick-to-itiveness. That's one of my favorite translations of Virya. Stick-to-itiveness. It's not like, oh, big effort and, you know, in the gym or whatever. It's like staying with it. Steady. This was Sojan Roshi's way. This was absolutely Sojan Roshi's way. Just stick with, just, he'd say, go to the Zendo, whether you feel like it or not. And, you know, you don't have to be super heroic about it.

[13:23]

It's already an heroic undertaking. I guarantee it. What you're doing, what we're all doing together is pretty... So, you know, please remember Shakyamuni Buddha's teaching about the middle way. Push, yes. Find your edge, yes. But don't push too hard. Move. Breathe three times. and see if you still need to move. If you still need to move, move. That's okay. Just do a little bow. Let your neighbors know that you're doing this with full intention. Do what you need to do. Slowly, quietly, with as much economy of motion as you can muster, and then resume your upright sitting.

[14:30]

That's all. I started back at Berkeley Zen Center. Well, I say started back because I started practicing Zen in City Center, like in the late Triassic. But I came back to Berkeley Zen Center in the 90s. I couldn't sit a period without moving at least not one period. I'm not talking about a sachin. I'm talking about one period of zazen. Whether I had to do it or not, who can say? But I did. I felt like I had to, so I did. And Sojan Roshi was very understanding and very encouraging. He told me about how much difficulty he had because, you know, he came to Sukhoji, well, also in his thirties like me, you know, with the body that he had. And he said he'd go into Sukhoji, sit down, He said this in the Sando before.

[15:32]

It's okay. You know, it's okay. We weren't planning on talking very long. Oh, I wanna offer one more thing. Oh, please. To go along with the Kshanti, that started the various side of things. To also bring in the Kshanti side and the compassion side, the Karuna side. Is these, you know, brought together That's such an engine for our practice. Actually, virya is technically the engine for our practice, but you have to keep the oil going in there, too, and that is .

[16:33]

Having compassion for oneself and whatever difficulties you're going through, whether they're in the body or the mind, and patience. Whether you are sure that the timekeeper has fallen asleep. Or just hates you. Just watching you, waiting. Whatever. Humor is really helpful. It is not anywhere in the list of helpful qualities in the polycanon, but I would recommend adding that one. A gentle humor with the human condition that we all find ourselves. Just patience with, oh, this again, or patience with this isn't happening yet, or whatever it is.

[17:43]

It's just like... Yeah, this is the landscape of Sashim. New stuff, lots of old familiar stuff. And actually, you may have the opportunity to practice with boredom during Sashim at some point. And if you do, that is very auspicious because that means that things are calm enough that you of the possibility to go to a deeper level, to settle more deeply. So if you notice that you're bored, you can ask yourself, how do I know that I'm bored? How do I recognize that this is boredom? It may be irritability in the body, it may be the mind getting distracted, It's like, oh, what is the flavor of boredom?

[18:44]

You always think it has a non-flavor. But what is a non-flavor? You can be curious about even that. Bring in curiosity about whatever's arising with a gentle mind, a kind mind, and some energy. Anything else before we go to questions? We're doing questions? Just kidding. Gee, I don't know. You want to hear a Sojun Roshi story? Yes. OK. I was thinking about today is the annual memorial for Suzuki Roshi, his teacher. So in 2005, It was a very wet winter. January 2005, Sojin came to Tazahara to lead the practice period.

[19:51]

And lucky to be Shisou in that practice period. What a gift. It was amazing. So, yeah, it was so great. I got to spend so much time with him. It was amazing. And very early on, I don't know, it might have been Personal day after Tangario, raining like crazy. It was very wet, but it was a beautiful day. It was a clear day. There's lots and lots of runoff. And you know, the Santa Lucia Mountains are very steep and rocky, and the water's running off. And we're walking up Tassajara Road, and there's these walls everywhere. It was so magical. Just, we were both completely enchanted, walking up. He would usually walk as far as the horse pastor trailhead and turn around and come back. So we're just mostly in silence, taking it all in.

[20:58]

And at some point, he stopped. He turns to me and has this really funny expression on his face. I can't really characterize, it was odd. And he's looking at me really intently and he says, this is just as good as China. And I thought, oh my gosh, he's channeling Suzuki Roshi. I really believe that. That it was like, it was like he was speaking with Suzuki Roshi's voice. It was a strange, strange intense and a very vivid memory for me. You also have to know, if you don't, that that was something that Suzuki Roshi said after he first saw Tassahara.

[22:04]

Apparently, you know, he was brought down by Richard Baker to take a look at this slightly ramshackle retreat down in the bottom of the can. It was very cool. He looked at it, but it was like, you know, like anyone would do a real estate deal. This is not so good. It was very contained. We're driving out. At a certain point, he stopped and got by in the car and started dancing. This is just as good as China. He wanted to do that. He wanted to go somewhere wild as a young man, as a young monk. He had in mind maybe North Korea or Manchuria, something like that. And he found it in the center. We're doing questions. Go ahead, Deborah. Go ahead, Deborah.

[23:08]

Yeah. Thank you. I just was curious how you spell Yeah, it's the same language root, Indo-European, you know, Sanskrit, but it's the same language root as for words like vigor, vivacious, vitality, right? So it's V-I-R-Y-A. I had to take a brief break from Sashin yesterday for a physical therapy appointment. So I was sort of looking at my phone and responding to some messages of people I didn't tell. I wouldn't be looking at my phone. And I explained to one in Silent Retreat this week and they said, well, I hope you feel really relaxed and rejuvenated when it's done and ready for the holidays. How did I respond?

[24:09]

How did you respond internally? Internally, I really didn't know and I just didn't say anything at all. I would have said, thank you. And I bet you are. Thank you all. Thanks for sharing the stories of Suzuki Roshi and Soji Roshi as good as China. I'm thinking about myself and perhaps some of my Dharma brothers and sisters here who may want to be elsewhere. And what's the difference between our wanting to be elsewhere during Sashin and Suzuki Roshi considering going to Manchuria or some wild, wild place? Big difference. Yeah. Could you describe it? Can I describe it? characterize it? Or for yourself, if you ever had that feeling of wanting to be elsewhere?

[25:18]

I think that it's good to have a vision, to have, to say another fancy Sanskrit word, pranidhana. Aspiration. That aspiration for your practice. What shape you would like to see your practice take. In my own case, I saw that Roshi had ordained as a priest. Suzuki Roshi ordained him as a priest. And I thought, well, as they say in AA, whatever he's got, I want. So he did that. I want to do that too. Okay. It doesn't mean, you know, before ordaining, my practice was no good. That's crazy talk, right? We are who we are in each moment where we are.

[26:25]

That's the main thing, you know? So I think it's fine to have aspiration for practice, but if you lose sight of what the practice is right now, then, hmm, I'm sorry. Or Dogon's engine might say, how regrettable. You know? So that's the difference for me, Ross. So right now is the golden age of sin. You know, I almost said that. But I thought, well, that might be a little arrogant. But it could be, you know? It really could be. Who knows? I think that it's easy for us who admire the monastic training that takes place that perpetuates that form of practice when we're in the so-called world and having to work and not in a monastery.

[27:29]

And that's an ongoing co-op for all of us. How do we do this practice within the forms of lay practice? And what is the difference? To me, it feels like attitude thing. The landscape looks different. It's really about the attitude. What do you think? I think you just answered your own question. Do you want to go? I could say something. I agree. And the landscape that you're working with is different. There are some, I think, Thai monasteries that they have them in the middle of really busy cities. And it's just, permeable to all the sounds, that's hard because, you know, the environment is not supporting you in the same way. It's exactly what it, I mean, this is part of why in Soto Zen we take the practice off the cushion. It's not just having this, you know, protected container.

[28:30]

But that's a good place to start. The gym, they have like machines and then free weights. Machines are great because they keep you in alignment, they won't let you drop things on yourself, and you can learn how to move with that. You can develop those muscles and then you can get over to the free weights where things can get kind of wonky. You can do that anywhere. Practice is completely portable and there's nothing outside of practice. But it's also true that some situations are more readily perceived as supportive. So if you to the ways that you would like it to be, be here and take it as a challenge. Thank you. And thank you for your monastic training and coming here and helping us with our forms. You're welcome. You know, I would say that Susan DeRossi had .

[29:35]

And I've said this here in Berkeley Zen Center before. I can't remember when, but I was giving a talk here before, and I remember Ryushin was sitting right there, and I said, Berkeley Zen Center really exemplifies Suzuki Roshi's vision of Zen practice in America not quite monastic, not quite lay. It is a hybrid of the two. That's what I'm very interested in establishing, that people could have families and jobs and responsibilities outside the temple and come and practice, like really practice, like what you're talking about, Ross. I mean, zazen is zazen, right? You are. Upright sitting is just upright sitting.

[30:37]

It's the same flavor. I can vouch for that. This is pretty remarkable, unusual. You're likely to encounter this much in, for example, the old country, Japan. Somewhat. Linda and I stayed with the Suzuki family. at Renso Inn for a while when we went to Japan in 2010. There was two guys from Yaizu. Same two guys would come and sit. It was pretty cool. They come to service too. They didn't chant, but they came to service too. It was very sweet, but kind of unusual. But here, there's little sangas like this all over the place. Although, Berkeley Zen Center was first and best. Of course. I think Susan and then Dave. Did you have your hand up, Rich?

[31:38]

Oh, and Rich? I'm sorry, I'm just trying. For me, in any of the ways that I kind of fall off the Zafu, it's all about returning, and I think you've been talking about that. Like this morning, quarter five, I had a little chat with the head cook who was concerned because, you know, those hot pads that line the hot pots. had been repaired yesterday and three of them, because we don't have an industrial machine, didn't work. And so she was asking me, what are we gonna do? I said, I'll go in the community room and mend them. So I went in the community room and I was sitting there, it was five o'clock in the morning, there was this thought like, what else could I be doing at five o'clock in the morning other than mending these hot pot pads? Kind of like what Ross was saying, I don't really want to be in this situation.

[32:39]

And then it was just like immediately I thought, just this, just this. And then it was fine. So I think that like, I fall down a million times and it's really just about returning, that's my feeling. Tobin talked about 99 times you try to hit the mark and 99 times you fail. And the 100th time you hit the mark. What's the difference? No difference. Except that 100th time you hit the mark. So it's just like one continuous mistake. Dave. Yeah, Dave.

[33:47]

I really appreciate thinking of this place as the continuation of Suzuki. You know, it's really, really important. And there's a lot of admonition from Doga, I think from Benua. in a different translation, but that I carried it in my wallet for a long time. When I would get a little stuck on this thing of being in the world, and so it was, you know only that there is no Buddha Dharma in secular affairs. You do not yet know there are no secular affairs in the Buddha Dharma. Cheapus. There I was, like, oh, no Buddha. And it's like, what do you call secular things?

[34:48]

I have this idea that sashim is like a cauldron or a crucible, and I'm getting an idea that's sort of involved in that. And so when I, after the day was over, I went to get some food at a very good long hand. This person was taking up more space than I thought that they should be. It was in my way, people that I wanted to do. And later I ran into them in another pile, and they began working, taking up space. Speak up a little louder. Yeah. And so I had what seemed like an inappropriately strong My first thought was, oh crap, it's not working. It was very discouraging. At this point, maybe it was day two maybe, I thought there should be, it was an outwardly reaction that I had outwardly react, but inside I was very, very eager.

[36:00]

And I just wondered, maybe this conception, this idea, this crucible is not the right way to be thinking about it. Maybe it's just there needs to be more sitting, or maybe it's just, that's just what happened. But it was, I was disappointed in myself. Can I offer another take? Please. It's working. Pollyanna-ish about it, but you've been practicing hard, and you've been sitting with your stuff, and practice has been showing you your stuff, and you've had this reaction in the store, and you're like, oh my god, what a big reaction. You didn't act out. You were noticing, like big time noticing, whereas I think maybe in other circumstances you wouldn't be noticing or maybe not noticing so much.

[37:03]

Like it was just, right? Looming pretty big. Holy cow. Did I just think that thought, you know? It happens a lot. Murderous thought, you know? Whatever. It's like, oh my gosh. Did my mind just do that? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Okay, so. You can acknowledge that and just, all right. You know? To me, that's proof that it is working. Hello. Hi. I'm Ellen. Get your welcome. Hi, Ellen. I forgot. I'm gonna ask you what you meant by hitting the mark, because I think recently I read a verse in the book of surrender that said, you shoot a hundred arrows and you never miss the mark.

[38:10]

Those old Zen guys. They'll use it for one thing, they'll use a different one for another, switch it up. I think the mark is literally like, you know, I forget it. Instead of the art of tea, it's the art of archery. You know, shooting and hitting the mark. But my favorite one was . It's a well-known story about him. And he was at Esalen Institute. You know, it was on the bluffs, like 200 feet above the Pacific Ocean. And he's gonna do an archery exhibition. All these people were gathered. It was this very special zen a long time ago. and it was set up, the target was set up, you know, over the ocean. He wasn't shooting toward people, he was obviously shooting away. And he takes aim, shoots, and he goes right over the cliff. And he turns around and says, bullseye!

[39:12]

When you use that analogy, what did you mean by hitting the bar? Oh, I mean, what we think is supposed to happen, what we want to happen, You know, here's this big guy taking up inordinate room, but I don't even have those thoughts. I just flow through the water and the stone and the heat. I'm completely, I'm just fluid. I'm just unmoved. Just our ideas. I mean, what is the mark? I mean, that's the question. What is the mark? And what do we mean by hit the mark? This hitting the mark could be, right, so probably, you know, I aim 100 times, I hit 100 times. It's like, okay, I showed up every day and something happened, or I didn't show up and that happened, but until I die, I keep waking up in some sense every morning, and then there will be some day, and I will meet the mark, and if I call it hitting the mark,

[40:26]

If I think I'm hitting the mark, I'm in trouble. If I think I'm missing the mark, I'm in trouble. But there's no separation. Thank you very much. Thank you, Ellen. Is that good? How about some Zaza? Yeah. Bruce, we're supposed to take short tantos then. I don't remember who used this analogy with me. Louder Marie, please. I don't remember who used this analogy, but when I first heard the idea of monkey mind, it really . And so I was talking about that and how my hope was when I first started sitting Sashim was that I could just put the monkeys to bed and it could get quiet.

[41:30]

Sashin's not going to help you quiet the monkeys. Sashin's going to help you name them so that you are much more, it's not just you're very intimately aware of every single one of them. So what do I do after, what comes next? What comes after you have all the monkeys? What's after that? Party time. I don't know. The gift of practice is a greater sense of ease, you know.

[42:44]

Buddhas are not some superhuman who've transcended their limitations. Buddhas are human beings who are very intimate with their limitations. So practice helps us to get intimate with our limitations, with our shortcomings, with our foibles, with our mistakes, with all the monkeys. They're so much fun. When we're intimate with them, when we can Above all, not be too scared, you know? Not be too put off or dismayed. Just like, okay, hey monkeys, there's George. Hey, curious George, remember him? Yeah. It's cool, you know? That's what I think. That you get some ease with all of it.

[43:52]

This is just completely human. You know, the story of Monkey, the scroll about the story of Monkey. Thanks, Deborah. Yeah, very much. You know, that, what's it, uh, Tsong, Tsong, Tsipetika. Oh, Tsipetika. Suang-chong. Suang-chong. Sounds like a swan song. Who brought the Buddhadharma to China from India. you know, he's busy subduing all the, you know, it's like he's putting them in service of the Buddhadharma. So, you know, what are the three? Pigsy and... Monkey, Pigsy, and Sandy. Or Shamuk. They're monsters. They're monsters, right? They're all very problematic in their different ways. And he turns them into servants of the Dharma.

[44:53]

He did that, too, with the indigenous Bung. religion, you know, this became the Dharma protectors that's in the service of the Dharma. So your monkeys will serve you and they will serve the world because you know them very intimately. You know, I've said it's, it was Sojan Roshi's favorite book, Journey to the West or Monkey. And he was giving a talk about it at Tassajara and He was talking about this very thing. And after the talk, I said, I think the interesting thing is Swansong or Tripitka, the monk, is kind of this fearful, querulous guy. What does he do? He ordains them. He gives them the precepts. He ordains them as Buddhist monks. And Mel said, why didn't you say that when I was giving the talk? Yes.

[46:05]

If you know what ordain means, it means you give them the precepts. Then they help. They help, including the fact that they don't exist any more than Marie does or herself or anything else.

[46:24]

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