Good song. I don't I haven't received any message from the Zendo, so I don't know what's going on in there. It looks like there. Microphone check. Can you hear me now? Thumbs up. Cool. My tech is all over the place. But I haven't heard from the Zendo. And so I don't know what's happening. They must be there. Their computer is on. And if a computer is connected, I don't see why there would be any reason not to be able to do video and audio. So I don't know what's happening over in the Zendo. So we're just waiting here and they haven't messaged me.

[42:39]

So I. Well, over there. And somebody Karen just told me that Lori went over there, which is an easy enough, but it's not. The problem isn't on our side. It's just there's technical issues in the Zendo. And that's. And yeah. All right, y'all. Enjoy your sitting. It's good to see everybody. Can you hear me now? BCC residents, we can hear you. Okay, I just unmuted. Is that what I needed to do? Yeah. That's what it was the whole time. So you didn't hear my talk at all? No. Oh, man. Well, it's... It didn't say it was going to be recorded, too. I guess it wasn't recorded. Oh, well. I'll have to give it again.

[43:39]

What? Oh, it is recording. I'm sorry. The Zoom recorded, but there was no audio on the Zoom. Right. And we can't see your picture either. Oh, well. So on to Q&A. the end of lecture. We're listening and watching, but we still can't see your face. Me? Yeah. Okay. Hold on. Now you can see me. Oh, the video's now on.

[44:49]

Yeah, it's on now. I didn't realize. I was supposed to do that. Can you see and hear me okay now? So you didn't hear the talk at all. Oh, boy. Oh, well. Sorry about that. Yeah, go ahead. Just to finish what I was going to say. So, Mary Scott told me, and she was talking about herself, that her particular personality was intact, fully intact, she said, and ready to be unleashed at a moment's notice. But that after years of practice, one learns...

[45:55]

It's not necessary to do that. And I thought any of your talk when you talked about anxiety and the way you were feeling and you apologized for perhaps not being fully present in your position. And I just wanted to say that, you know, I haven't experienced you spilling out from the position that you held. whatever's been going on on the inside. To me, it looks like you've contained it. It doesn't look like you've repressed it. It just looks like you're a longtime practitioner, and it's been really inspiring. Thank you. Thank you. For all the good meals, too. I think Ross, and then Rob.

[46:56]

Thanks, Gary. Swimming upstream, and I was thinking, as hard as that is, the direction is going to the source. And our practice is always orienting and going to the source. So even though it's difficult, in each moment, are we going up or are we downstream? you know with it with our direction so it's okay i mean i feel it's great to coach and just go downstream but am i going further away from the source source is still investigating myself or am i kind of backing off so it's and yeah yeah sure does so um nice swimming with you thank you rob You mentioned that you've been struggling with depression. Yes. And it seems that depression would rob you of the energy and the motivation and the drive to do a number of things, including practice.

[48:09]

And I wonder if you could say something about how you're addressing that, what medicine you're using, what resources help you through that. It's sort of the wellspring of our life and our practice. And if that's suppressed, then how do you respond? I see. I just set my clock to a certain time and I get up. That's, you know, and it's a struggle sometimes to get up and get dressed and get out of the house or go to the cushion and sit on Zoom. I've been able to do that. It hasn't been that debilitating. And so it's kind of like what I said is I, even though I don't feel like doing it, I get up and do it. And yeah, so in doing it, what is doing it, going to the cushion and sitting, A, I may,

[49:22]

swim you know do something at the house you know because i'm retired now so that's kind of how i play it yeah and you derive support from yeah yeah i try not to isolate when i was going through the um the treatment i isolated a lot And I think that may have contributed to some of my mood-related things. And so it's a work in process. Hard to talk about. Good question. Yes, Judy. Gary, I was wondering, in your whole talk, what would you say now is the... Oh, this is what Dean asked the last time.

[50:26]

So I was prepared for that question. Dean didn't show up, so I don't think she's here. So I would say the most important thing is what I read. Maybe it's being okay or accepting this moment in time along an unknown path as it unfolds. And then... Not seeing disease as an enemy befriending disease. And respecting and accepting it as a growth. What makes it important for you for us right now disease? What makes disease important? Well, what you just read, you know, what you're naming is most important. What makes it like, what's important about that? The reframing of what you consider your problem is reframing it and saying, what can I learn from it?

[51:33]

Or how do I deal with it? Instead of being a victim to it, which I do feel kind of a victim a lot. It's a weird thing to be, anyway. To me, that's really key. I feel like a victim a lot, too. So it's like, if you say, yeah, I feel like a victim a lot, we've got somewhere real to connect, and it's like we're reframing it, but we're not leaving out. Man, I feel like a victim right now. Thanks. So thank you. One of the most healing things about your talk.

[52:34]

Thank you very much. Anyone else? We still have some. Carol? Thank you, Gary, for your talk. Just going along with that question. Judy's question? Yeah, Judy's question. I think we all feel like a victim sometimes, probably. At any rate, what do you do to bring yourself out of that? Being a victim? Yeah. How do you work with it? Complain to my wife a lot. No, I don't. I try not to do that. Sometimes I do it. It's funny when I go swimming and I come out of the pool, I'm a different person.

[53:38]

So there's some sort of endorphin or something going on there. That's one way. The other is to focus on something other than myself, you know, volunteer, crossword puzzles, read, you know, for a walk, that kind of thing. Yeah, when I feel like a victim, I don't necessarily not feel like a victim after that, but it reframes or redirects my attention. I still somewhat feel victimized by the treatment, but, you know, I'm trying to also see that the benefits of it, like I probably wouldn't be here if I didn't do the treatment, you know. So, oh, and the other thing I do nightly, I go to sleep.

[54:41]

I try to remember all the things that were like, like beautiful that happened to me that day. Because there's always these beautiful things that happen, like a butterfly, beautiful monkey flies by you, or you see this bloom, or somebody lets you in the swim lane so that you don't have to stand out there in your swim trunks for half an hour waiting to get in. You know, all these things, I just try and remember them, and then when I close my eyes, I try and back to them and not think about anything that's negative in that scenario. So that helps me reframe and go to sleep. Yes. Hold on. I don't get to ask a question.

[55:43]

Oh, OK. So excuse me for asking a Shuso Cerepony type question. So what's the Chusot disease? The Chusot disease is, at least for me, what comes up right away is how much sitting I had to do. I might change my mind on that and not say that, but say having to face myself a lot longer than I normally would.

[56:49]

You know, I normally would sit maybe Monday morning and then go to the PC, go to the Monday morning talk and then go to the PC meeting. And that's kind of a longish day, longish morning, but it's nowhere near facing myself like I have. And what was the second part? What medicine do you bring to it? I guess, sitting and trying to think. Just becoming aware of all the sangha and all its good medicine. Gary, there's a question online. Oh, okay. Phu Nalbach, please.

[57:53]

Oh, hi, Lisa. You're muted. Yes. I just noticed. Thank you very much. Even just these few questions and answers has taken me closer to your heart, which has always seemed luminous to me. I hope that you can perhaps record your talk or... to share what you're talking about for those of us in the online Zendo? It is being recorded. We found out. And the other thing is I have a written copy of it. If you want me to send it to you, just email me. Thank you very much. I feel like this is super important. My question has been a lot as I age and as I change and as I go through different distresses and losses. Who is this person anyway? What comes?

[58:58]

What's been lost? Who is showing up? And I'm seeing you really very much helping me with that answer. Thank you. That's good. You know, when I look at myself, I think, who is that guy? Because my face has gotten thinner. I used to be kind of big-faced. I'm not as big-faced anymore. But big-faced, little-faced Buddha. Not to make a joke out of what you just said, I think the same thing. It's like This is really happening. It's not to us all.

[60:01]

We still have a few more minutes, maybe one more question. longer. No. Oh, yeah. Hi, Gary. Hi, Ben. I have a dumb question. Maybe it's all you could ask. From the case, if medicine and disease subdue each other, one can see how medicine subdues disease. How does disease subdues disease? That's a good question. Jerry, can you repeat the question for the folks? Yeah. Dan asked, he can see how medicine subdues disease, but how does disease subdue medicine?

[61:19]

talk a lot about subdue and what it means and kind of like destroyed one or the other, you know. And other translations translate it differently. They don't use subdue at all. I'm trying to think of what the term is exactly they used. But let me answer your question from my point of view. It's kind of like eliminating the duality of one and the other. They're actually the same thing. Where disease is sometimes... for what's happening.

[62:22]

Like global climate change is, you could view that as a disease, but it's actually also the medicine to say something's got to, the medicine to heal the earth has to happen. It's two things at the same time. So I think of it that way as that's how disease subdues medicine. Does that make sense to you? I can say like often vaccines are, Jerry could probably say more about this, but vaccines often are the disease itself. That's more of a mundane thing that it can cure or create the medicine within you. get a certain type of disease. You're not happy with this yet.

[63:29]

I'm still wondering. Still wondering. It's a good place to be yet. Pardon me? Wondering is a pretty good place to be. Yeah, and during the Hosen, you can bring it up again if you want. And I can think more about it, how I would respond. Gary, Peter Overton has a question. Oh, okay. Go ahead, Peter. Thank you, Gary. This is one of those how do you remember to remember questions. And specifically, how do you remember that reframing your story How do you make that available to yourself? Did you have this choice to reframe your story at any point?

[64:29]

Did everybody get that? Okay. How do I remember to remember? It's not easy. I do often forget. You know, the things I said are my ideal self in the talk. And there are times when I just bed and not, not get up kind of thing or lay on the couch and not wanting, why not want to move. I mean, usually what, what keeps me remembering it is the pain doing that. or the suffering that it causes to just be, you know, not do anything or not visit with friends or things like that.

[65:35]

Yeah, that's what I was the pain. Oh, oh. Can we do one more? Of course. Hey, Tom. Well, you know, I was listening to Dan's question, and I'm not sure this is where... I thought of, you know, we talk about just the moonshot. Back in the day, the moonshot was like, where are we doing this? Well, look at all the wonderful things that come out of having made this sort of... At that time, and Suzuki Roshi would have said that it's really not a necessary thing, and it's our being. But everyone knows that we got Teflon out of this moonshot. We got different things out of the moonshot. Is there a priceless gem that you have found or that you feel is hiding and you're looking for relative to just has this disease is a gift and is going to bring us your Teflon or what?

[66:48]

Have you discovered anything like that? Well, I said in one talk that my wife found me more like a soft peach than a hard peach. So I can fall back on that, but I think I should maybe say something different or something more to you. Yeah. Being more sensitive to other people's perception is more there with me. Plowing through something, like being more receptive to what somebody needs.

[67:50]

think that's that's come about a little bit more yeah but yeah i remember i read in uh not and not always roshi did say some he thought it was silly us going to the moon there's a lot of there's a couple of statements about that yeah okay thank you all are exhaustible

[68:30]

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