Hello? Okay. Hello? All right. Let's chant. An unsurpassed penetrating and perfect dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand billion kalpas, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. Good evening, everyone. Before we just cover the quick last announcement, which is a simple reminder... A for the class, please go ahead and do that.

[01:11]

Thank you, Andrea. Great. So I'm really glad to see all of you here tonight. It's so good to be all together. And I'm very grateful that we'll be talking about equanimity tonight, how to practice with equanimity. And I just wanted to say that I'm sure the events of the last few days are much in our minds and we're still gonna do the class basically as planned. Well, not quite as planned, but things turned out differently. But we're not going to talk about the election per se, but we are, the class is really about how do we practice with all that may arise for us in response to what's happening in the country, in the world, and maybe with people we know, and maybe with ourselves.

[02:20]

So there may be worries that we have individually for ourselves about what's changing or what could change and what's very unknown. So this will definitely address those things, but from the point of view of our own experience, how we're meeting it. Yeah. And we're saying that because we still love it when people put their hands up and have something to say. We love the dialogue. We just didn't want to make it all about the interaction. That is per se. Per se. Yeah. But your experience of it, it's all about that. It's all about our experience. Don't hesitate. Yeah, please. And if you need a little help turning it into, like, how do I practice with X? We're there for that. So, upeka, equanimity, the fourth... of the Brahmavaharas.

[03:22]

It's usually described as a quality of being calm, even tempered, a firmness of mind that is not easily elated or depressed. That's how the Buddha described it. You could say patience or composure. I think in kind of modern language, we might say level-headed, cool-headed. So it's that quality of being able to show up kind of whatever happens. So it's maintaining a steady, even mind, and particularly under difficult, stressful circumstances. But it also includes a sense of steadiness in positive or neutral situations. So I like that it was like, could also include elated, kind of getting over elated about something.

[04:30]

So it's, which doesn't, it's not about dampening joy or keeping, it's definitely not about suppressing. It's just staying present and not adding one way or the other, not adding extra. So traditionally, one of the ways that Upeka equanimity is described is to be unwavering or to stay neutral in the face of the eight worldly winds. So those are coming from the eight points of the compass, north, south, east, west, and then the ones in between. And they are, this is, I think, all Chinese teaching, I'm not sure. Chinese? I think so, yeah. loss and gain, good repute and ill repute or honor and dishonor, praise and blame and sorrow and happiness or pleasure and pain.

[05:32]

So these are the things that come to us in our lives and how do we meet them with a state of kind of mental composure where we can acknowledge life's inevitable challenges without being too swept away by them. So some people just seem to have equanimity or a sense of calm kind of naturally. Like they're probably kind of calm kids and didn't get ruffled easily. And some kids are not like that. more excitable and active and just feel things really deeply. But nonetheless, equanimity is a learnable skill. You can all get better at it. Through practice, because that's how we learn things, by calming the mind, practicing patience,

[06:46]

practicing having composure, having some idea about what we're wanting to move toward, particularly. I remember as a kid trying to decide if I wanted to be more energetic or more calm, because I didn't think I could have both. And it took me a while to figure out that it could be one sometimes and the other sometimes, but it was also not going overboard on either side, even as a kid, that I was really interested in that. finding some steadiness that could hold both ends comfortably. Go ahead. Yeah. Linda generously allowed me to be the person to read this quote from Bhikkhu Bodhi. Oh, yeah, please. Is it possible to grab the volume just a little bit? Let me turn this up here. I can certainly speak.

[07:50]

We don't want that. Go ahead. Sure. Here's Bhikkhu Bodhi. True equanimity is the pinnacle of the four social attitudes that the Buddhist texts call the divine abodes. The last does not override and negate the preceding three, but perfects and consummates them. It perfects and consummates the preceding three. Yeah, with great pleasure. True equanimity is the pinnacle of the four social attitudes that the Buddhist texts call the divine abodes. The last does not override and negate the preceding three, but perfects and consummates them. So that's like two sentences summed up for Linda and me.

[08:59]

You know, what we've been thinking about, the Brahma Jihara, it sums it up so well. I was like, that's it. You know, so for example, you can practice compassion and be an anxious mess. It's true. You can practice sympathetic joy and be like really blue. You can. All these things are possible. However, what we've been trying to get at in this class is what I would say is the utility of the Buddha Dharma, putting this to work in our lives, that what's going to help us and help us to help others, which is critical in these times. So how to practice the most effectively, you know, cool head, maintain, you know, that's important.

[10:03]

That's important. You don't get so easily rattled. This is also on a lot of lists. Bodhisattva practices, part of the seven factors of awakening, basically this feeling more, no, it's not just a feeling. It's this ripening and integration of all the other practices and a ripening and integration of the other three Brahma Viharas. Yeah. Kind of what you get your flow going. You know, it's like, ah, I can find my way. I'm not working at it so much. It's coming together. So I think in a way also equanimity was what a vision of someone else's equanimity was what set the Buddha off on his path. Because the four sites that he saw

[11:08]

While he was still living as a prince with his family in the palace, he went outside the gates and he saw a sick person, an old person, a dead person, and then a spiritual seeker or ascetic walking through a charnel grounds. There's all these bodies lying around. And the man was peaceful. He had a peaceful face. He had a peaceful demeanor. And the Buddha was so struck by this because he had been so sheltered in the palace. So for him to see, you know, a sick person, an old person, a dead person, which is not like what we see now, it was raw, you know, and to be sheltered from this. He was really disturbed by this. He was wound up, freaked out. And he sees this person who's walking through a charnel ground and he's like, that. I want to know more about that.

[12:10]

So this sense of equanimity. So I think this is a little more from Bhikkhu Bodhi. Upeka is freedom from all points of self-reference. It is indifference only to the demands of the ego self with its craving for pleasure and position. That is not indifference. to the well-being of one's fellow human beings. And composure points to it not being just an internal calm, but how it affects this notion of composure. It's like how you manifest in your body, what the Buddha saw in this unknown person walking by, what people have described when they first met Suzuki Roshi or Katagiri Roshi. One person decided, I think it was a writer, Natalie Goldberg, saw Category Roshi from the back as he was arranging flowers.

[13:18]

She was like, the way he was handling the flowers, she could feel his practice and his presence. There's a story about Sojun Roshi when he was abbot at San Francisco Zen Center. Someone was asked to be Tenzo, the head cook, and who didn't want to do it. But they finally said, OK, I'll do it if you come work in the kitchen one day. So she said, OK. It was an unhappy kitchen in the way only monastery. Well, I think many kitchens, many group kitchens can be unhappy, you know, kitchen confidential. So it was an unhappy kitchen and people are bumping up against each other and there's personalities and there's, you know, hot things and knives and it's stressful. So Sojun shows up one day and he goes to the Fukuten and he says, what would you like me to do?

[14:25]

And the Fukuten said something like, chop carrots, please. Okay. How would you like me to do that? Quarter rounds. Okay, could you give me an example? Chop, chop. And he sat there with a bucket of carrots, and all he did was chop carrots. But the waves of calm radiated out from him, and the kitchen became calm and peaceful. He didn't do anything. Well, he did. He chopped carrots mindfully. He was composed. He wasn't affected. All of you who know Sojin know that he had a huge equanimity practice. Didn't ruffle easily. Speaking of Sojin Roshi, yeah, it was fun preparing for this class because we found ourselves thinking about him a lot.

[15:27]

And I didn't want to let this class go by without mentioning actually what Gary said. Artem said in his Dharma talk, he asked me about what did Sojan Roshi have to say about equanimity? Or maybe he asked me what I had to say about equanimity. But I just said, Sojan used to say, well, he said a lot of things like, don't let anything push you off your seat. But then, you know, what happens if something does push you off your seat? And he'd say the true test of equanimity is how quickly you come back. We're all going to get rattled. We're all going to get bothered. We're all going to get annoyed. We're all going to get disturbed. Have I been looking at a thesaurus? Anyway, it's okay. That makes us human. And it's also what makes us ordinary bodhisattvas is how we come back to the center.

[16:34]

How we come back to our breath. These are the things that Sosha talked about over and over and over again. Zen is body practice. We get back into the body. I wanted to bring a Daruma doll as a teaching aid, but I couldn't find one. It was last minute. You know what those are in Japan? It's Bodhidharma sitting as a doll. It's a little doll and it's kind of pear-shaped and you try to push it over and it comes back up. You know, it's Bodhidharma. That's like nothing could stop Bodhidharma from this upright practice. So you push it over, uh-uh, comes right back up. Or, you know, we are both like Generation Jones. So we thought about Bobo dolls. It's a kid's toy. Back in the 60s, I guess. A little inflatable thing. You hit it. Comes right back up. And then Linda had this moment where she said,

[17:36]

You know, Bobadal might have to try just to stay calm. And I think that happens to us too, you know. Golly, just yesterday morning, I couldn't get out of bed. Actually, I was semi-catatonic, but I did it. I got a text from a friend. It said, read Zenju's Substack. I said, okay. I found Zenju's Substack. Zenju Earthland Manual. Highly recommended to y'all. Highly recommended. Yeah, they can find it. Zenju Earthland Manual, Substack. I find it and it says, posted 12 minutes ago. Yeah, I read it three times. Then I got out of bed. It wasn't too bad. So now I get to reference once again, the path of purification, the Vasudhi Maga, Buddha Gosa, 4th century Kamanira, Sri Lanka.

[18:55]

It's a guidebook for Theravadan monks. Great reading. Highly recommend it. He says here, equanimity has the equanimity of unknowing based on the home life as its near enemy, since both share in ignoring false and virtues. So basically ignorance. Such unknowing has been described in the way beginning of seeing a visible object with the eye, equanimity arises in the foolish infatuated ordinary man. and the untaught ordinary person who has not conquered their limitations, who has not conquered future karmic result, who is unperceiving of danger, et cetera, et cetera. And we're going to talk about the different ways of thinking about the near enemy and the far enemy of equanimity, because this is like kind of wordy and not especially relatable to me.

[19:59]

And he says then that, greed and resentment, which are dissimilar to the similar unknowing, are its far enemies. So there's a kind of false equanimity and then there's like no equanimity at all. The other part I was not going to write in this book. Yeah. Well, shoot, I lost it. Just, I wanted to read Buddha goes to talking about why equanimity is, yeah.

[21:05]

It's top, it's the last in the list. But no, I don't see it. So sorry about that. But there's different ways of understanding the near enemy and the far enemy of equanimity, which maybe you want to expound upon Linda. Yeah, I think what Greg said about greed and resentment being kind of the obvious far enemies. And I think a lot of that is also related to restlessness and agitation. Just get worked up in one way or another. That's obviously not equanimity. But the near enemies are really interesting. Near enemies being it superficially resembles it, but it misses the mark.

[22:07]

So indifference, apathy, lack of concern, like what Greg said, ignorance about something or other. And it can also be, you know it's there, but you're suppressing it. It's like, nope, not going to go there. I'm just kind of keeping a lid on it. So all of these may be ways that we're practicing equanimity. or getting closer to it in one way or another. Skillful means to cope, if you will, but it's not quite equanimity. Equanimity has a different feeling to it because it's accepting, it's more relaxed, it's not effortful in that way. Thich Nhat Hanh says, equanimity means to let go, not to abandon. Equanimity means to let go, not to abandon. This caused a little, I don't want to, a little bit of confusion early on in our relationship.

[23:18]

Because Linda would ask me something and I would say, I don't care. What do you want for dinner? And she... She thought sometimes that meant, like, he doesn't care. What's wrong with him? And I thought about that. And I said, well, it's just a way of talking that I have, I guess. And the more I thought about it, I said, yeah, it comes from my childhood in the Midwest. So I consider myself a California person. But, you know, my formative years were in Southwest Ohio. And that's what kids, like young boys, would say if they didn't want to make trouble. Or they just... didn't have preference, it didn't mean they didn't care. It just mean, it's fine with me, whatever you like. But it comes out as, I don't care. That's kind of confusing. So it's not that I didn't care. It's just, yeah, in that case, it was not indifference.

[24:26]

It was just not expressing a preference. But, Yeah, it's important to understand the difference between the two. Because just willful indifference is pretty toxic. Spirit, oh, Joe, I was just wishing for questions. Thank you. Questions, comments? Joe, I was doing that to yourself. Microphone. I was kind of wondering how you might differentiate suppressing and not getting riled up. What that kind of feels like or looks like when you're experiencing it. I feel like I'm pretty good at suppressing. So it's hard to know when it's not getting riled up. It can sound kind of very similar.

[25:31]

I think for me, Suppressing means my body's still tight and my mind is tight and I'm trying and I'm working and I'm trying to be a particular way or not be a particular way. And equanimity for me means something like acknowledging what's happening, acknowledging how I'm feeling, letting it be there, taking a breath, letting it go, letting my body go, whatever it will release, and just like coming back to, I'm here and now, this is, you know, it's like here and now, not something that's past, future, should be, wanna be, don't wanna be. It's just like, okay,

[26:34]

Okay, here it is. Can I meet it? Can I meet it with an open heart? Can I meet it with an open mind? Suppressing is pushing away. This practice is don't grasp or push away anything. My Zazan instruction in five words, stay present for whatever arises. So this practice trains us. It trains us to do that. It trains us well. So we can have that kind of composure. And it's not fake. It's not leaving anything out. It's not denying any part of our existence. And I'll say more about that when I get to 11 headed Kano. I think it's one of the wonderful things about our practice that's also a drag is that the more we practice and the more our awareness is refined and we're more attuned to subtle things, the more we notice how much we're still suppressing or pushing away or doing whatever.

[27:44]

It's just at a much more subtle level. So it can feel like we're going backwards. Actually, we're still deepening our practice. It's just that we're aware of whole levels that were completely opaque to us before. That's my experience. What about you? Well, I think what you said I appreciate most was the distinction between kind of physically compressing or constricting in terms of suppression, that physical component of it, and equanimity or not getting riled up, sort of an appropriate response. You're actually making space for it, you know? And so there's a real experiential difference between the two that makes it tangible. What comes to my mind is actually today in therapy, talking with my therapist about looking at calendars and planning is pretty anxiety-inducing.

[28:51]

It induces a lot of anxiety in me. I feel there's a lot of change coming in my life, and I'm trying to shift my schedule around to accommodate for all the things happening. And so my therapist was like, what happens to your breath when you're looking at the calendar? I was like, I have no idea. You know, I literally have no idea. And while I was responding and talking to him, just talking about it. I would do that. I would pause like I'd breathe in and like freeze and stop. And somebody like, I don't want to do that. So then just keep breathing. And then when the thought comes, respond. But just noticing how. thinking about calendars. So that doesn't sort out my scheduling issues or it doesn't, it doesn't, you know, I can't, you know, it doesn't come down from heaven what I'm supposed to do every day. But now I know, okay, I'm going to look at a calendar. I need to be intentional and watch my breath.

[29:52]

So that's the sort of experience right now around, around. keeping some equanimity in the face of something that for deep reasons causes me unsettledness. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. So it says here, what does genuine equanimity look like? That's a good question. And I don't think that's a question that we can answer for you, but it's a good question to be asking ourselves and in our practice, or what is genuine equanimity and what is not. I'll get to you in a minute. I want to offer a couple of poetic sort of images that really speak to us and many other people over time. Sojourner Roshi was very fond of Ehei Dogen's

[30:57]

fascicle in the Shubha Ganso, or ocean seal or ocean mudra samadhi, ocean seal samadhi. What it talks about, well, actually, I'll just read a couple of lines of Dogen here. Why not? Buddhas and ancestors continuously maintain ocean mudra samadhi. While swimming in this samadhi, they expound, realize, and practice. Traveling through water includes journeying along the ocean bottom. This is called coursing along the bottom of the deepest ocean. So Sojin loved to talk about that, that the ocean might be quite violent, quite violent. So ironic, they call it the Pacific Ocean. Usually it's not very peaceful at all. Lots of waves, lots of storms and all kinds of action going on. And yet at the bottom of the ocean, it's very still and quiet.

[31:59]

So we're walking along and we're experiencing the whole ocean at the same time. This is Dogen's proposition. You're experiencing the whole ocean at the same time. Currents in the middle going this way and that way. Talks about corpses on the ocean floor. So trippy. Our heads up here are getting slapped around by the waves. But we're walking along the ocean floor like dragons. Steady. purposeful, not bothered. And then another image that I love so much is, well, I spoke a lot about Kanon, Kanzeon, Avalokiteshvara in our class on the Brahma Vihara of compassion. She's the Bodhisattva of infinite compassion. And there's a Buddhist iconography of kanon actually in esoteric buddhism from tibet to japan you'll find this image of the 11 headed kanon we saw an example when we went to the asian art museum many years ago there was an exhibit a traveling exhibit of art from bhutan and there was a really beautiful pretty good size statue of

[33:26]

this 11-headed kanong, which in this case, the heads were like stacked up like a stupa. And the head, the face that's in the usual place at the top of the body is so beautiful and calm, like a Madonna. So loving, so peaceful, just the bodhisattva of infinite mercy. And then over here, this face on this side, It's just a little bit irked, like, what? Did you really say that? And the one over here on this side is like, what? And then over here, getting up to the top, it's like, and then it's like, and then it's like, and so forth. Until the last one is like freaking out. And then on top, The final one on top is Amida Buddha, just perfectly composed.

[34:35]

And it's kind of like walking on the ocean floor and getting slapped around by the waves. Avalokiteshvara, the regardor of the crimes of the world, she doesn't turn away. She pays attention to the suffering of the world. And in this case, This image of Kanong, you can see that she's affected. And what's happening in the world, the suffering of the world, that's what she responds to. And she's not unaffected by it. And it's showing all the ways that she and we can be affected by it. And finally, it's just Amida Buddha accepting all, accepting all, not being thrown. in spite of it, in spite of how challenging it is. Yeah. Or like the darumat all being thrown and then getting up.

[35:38]

And then there's another round, another round. But always getting back up, always coming, coming back, being open, having our hearts open and able to be touched. I'm sorry, Ross, you had your hand up. I did. Thanks, Greg. I had two experiences since we last met. On Saturday, I heard a black man talk about walking and people averting their eyes, which sounded like to me something that was uncomfortable. and something that wasn't new to this person. And they were lamenting that. And Ryushin was giving a talk, and she invited this person to come here so we could see each other, which is a very wonderful offering. So he did come during tea. He was here. I came around and talked with him. I wasn't privy to the conversation, but I'm glad that that took place.

[36:42]

On Tuesday evening, I found myself in the Tenderloin. and it was nighttime, and I immediately realized that I'm uncomfortable and I'm not safe here. I didn't feel safe. There wasn't anything threatening other than just the ambiance of the tenderloin at night. And so I was walking down the sidewalk, and there were a group of guys, about seven perhaps. There wasn't much space. on the sidewalk to walk by, but I wasn't gonna go out in the street. So I just continued walking upright and I was making eye contact with this group of men and they were looking away from me. They'd see me and look away. There was a little space for me to get by one of them and he didn't move so much. And I moved myself to glide by him.

[37:46]

So just seeing a situation, it's not a get out of my way. It's kind of what can I do to find my way, right? So when I got around this gentleman, in a moment, I heard this boom, much louder than that, and someone stepping very close to me. And so with regard to equanimity, I didn't examine it so much, but I'm thinking about it now in our class. I don't know about equanimity in that moment of the boo, but when I, my eyes were open and then as I saw him, there was no longer a threat because it wasn't a fist or a weapon that was coming along with the voice. It was just this person and a slight smile, which is basically just messing with me. I got that sense very quickly. And that in fact, it was safe. And I continued walking down the street.

[38:48]

I'm still thinking about it. I don't have a particular, and the winner is, or, you know, that kind of wrap or capping phrase to it. But it was just interesting that as much as I like to study, with my eyes and ears open, I wind up having conversations And something happens or experiences something happens that echoes back and or the reverse, something happens and then I read or hear something about it that kind of keeps the energy and the teaching alive. So as what Linda was saying a moment ago, as we were studying, we get to see and feel more nuance between all the things that are working in our mind. Whereas at the beginning of study, it's kind of like, it's overwhelming. It's just like too much. but it's always there. And so that's what it was, you know, breathing, walking, anticipating something or being careful about something and then going on.

[39:50]

So moment to moment. Thank you, Ross. That's what Linda and I loved so much about living in the Treme in New Orleans. Everybody makes eye contact and everybody says, hey, how you doing? Not to do so is weird. It's so refreshing. So I'm trying to take that up as a practice. Actually, yeah. This is the mudra of non-fear. Baya mudra. What we offer to each other. But maybe we should... It's time for a break. Okay. Welcome back, everybody.

[41:20]

Okay, so our second half will be talking about the practice of equanimity. Main thing is always the how. How do we practice with this? So what does equanimity look like? How do we recognize it in ourselves or in others? And we've started talking about that some. I think a big piece of it is really cultivating the ability to, as Greg said, to show up for whatever arises. And particularly to be able to be present with the emotions, the physical sensations, sometimes even the thoughts that arise. And to be able to just, you know, can you stand it? Can you hang out there? just let it be. That's just the first step in whatever happens next.

[42:26]

But can you be? Can you just be with that? And one of the things I wanted to say was, you know, it occurred to me that in Buddhism, fear is not considered a hindrance. You know, there's the typical five hindrances, and fear is not one of them. There's greed, hate, delusion, restlessness and agitation, sloth and torpor. Oh, no, I miscounted one of them because one of them is also doubt. Corrosive doubt. Corrosive doubt, yeah. So it's not delusion. It's corrosive doubt. But fear is not on there. And I think a couple of things. One is that fear is something that arises. It arises in response. It's information about how we are receiving a perception. We perceive something, like Ross was talking about, you know, perceiving.

[43:31]

You're perceiving something and feeling the ambiance of the tenderloin as dangerous, as unsafe. And then being able to perceive differently this man that said, boo. You know, so to not... to not be carried away by our fear. There can be some tragic consequences of getting carried away by our fear of others. Or we see this in the world. So the fear itself is not a problem. It may have some very important information for us. But how we meet fear... You know, we can get more skillful at that so that we're not causing harm to ourselves or to others. We're not creating something out of our perceptions. When we're more calm, when we're more equanimous, we have a much greater ability to perceive correctly, to be curious, to turn toward and to not just jump to conclusions.

[44:41]

Don't you say that. Emotions are feelings in motion. And he also would say that feelings aren't reliable. And so I'm thinking about what you just said about it's information, but is it reliable for us to move in that particular direction that comes to mind when we're experiencing a feeling? Not necessarily so. Right. Not always so, you know. So it's information, but still we need maybe need more information or some equanimity to maybe see that information differently if we're kind of. Right. I think, I mean, you can you can take all of your emotions as being facts. These days, many of us don't take things that are presented as facts as facts. It's not like you can look it up on the Internet and you still want to check it out a few times. Like, is that actually so? Thick news. You know, or, you know, they now have at the top of Google searches like AI generated content.

[45:50]

And you look at it, it's like, no, that is not true. That's like snatched from this, but it doesn't, it's not actually real. So, so this, you know, checking, is that really so? You know, it's like, I'm scared. Do I, and I can maybe see why I'm scared, but. Is there something to be scared of? Exactly. So it's based on your perceptions, but perceptions aren't necessarily accurate. Yes. The relationship between fear and manas. Fear and what? Fear and manas, or the ego. Ah. Hmm. Fear in what? Manas. Manas is the self, the seventh consciousness, the I, the sense of I. The little guy in the front of our brains that says like... Manas, M-A-N-A-S.

[46:51]

Individuating consciousness. And it's Manas' job to look out for us. So that fear is, like the teacher over here said, is not a hindrance. It performs a function. If you had no fear... Just like if you had no pain sensors, you may not last very long because you wouldn't, you would do things that were very dangerous and you wouldn't take appropriate precautions. Also, I used to, when I was an intern, I worked on an acute inpatient psych ward and there was this great guy, he's a guy, Curtis, he had tremendous equanimity. Big guy, moved slow. He was on the staff team, which meant that if anything started rolling, he was right there. And he had this amazing ability, like these two guys would start getting into it. They're by the counter. He'd just kind of move over, put his arm between them. He's not looking at either one of them.

[47:52]

He's just talking to someone else across the room. And they're like talking across his shoulder, you know. They're like calming down and losing interest. And I was... nervous I was afraid being on the unit because this is all new to me you know people are psychotic they're coming down from drugs they're angry because they can't smoke anymore and you know and one day I said I really wish I could learn to be like you Curtis because you're not afraid and he said are you kidding he said from the moment I turn my key in the door I'm afraid fear is my friend the day I'm not afraid I'm not safe I also view fear as a protector. For many years, I suppressed it, and I was doing all day sitting here, and it sort of started arising from my right, and I tried to ignore it, and so I finally said, okay, what's going on?

[48:59]

How can I help you? And they basically said, you know, freed me with respect. And, you know, and, you know, so I think also it comes from the shadow, the part of us that we are shamed of or we're trying to shun. But it's just doing its job. It's just my opinion. And trying to live with it. That's it. Hearing my coworker, Curtis, say that he was afraid when he was on the unit gave me much more equanimity. Fear was not a problem. It was just an experience. Max, over here. What Kabir was just saying reminded me of this, but I'm curious for a response.

[50:01]

to this, I think it comes from like kind of contemporary Western mental health talk, but this idea of disidentifying, like we can feel something, but we don't have to identify with our feeling and also reparenting. There are some ideas that I've sort of been playing around with and might relate to equanimity. Cause I used to, I'd hear that like, how do you not identify with your feeling? Cause I, You know, as a teen and younger person in my early 20s, that idea just made no sense to me because when I would feel a negative feeling, it was like everything. Like it would consume me. And after practicing, I got to a point where I could actually, I could feel the feeling and it would be there, but I didn't have, it wasn't, I could feel like, oh, maybe I'm not identifying with it. Like maybe that's what this experience is saying. And then this idea of reparenting was another lens of then like, yeah, I could just, interact with this feeling, or I could say like, oh, okay, feeling, yeah, you're really upset right now.

[51:06]

Like just like acknowledging what was going on. And I'm just curious if those, if that seems like it translates to equanimity or relates to it, or if you could say it in a more eloquent way than- More eloquent? Oh, come on. Yeah, totally. It does. Sorry. Well, you don't want to know about psychology. I'll just say it has everything to do with it. What comes up for me is like, say, sitting along sashim, for example. And you're just present with your thoughts for a long time. And especially if you're having some really afflictive Thoughts or emotions. That are just going. Like it won't stop. You know.

[52:06]

But you just keep. It's time for kindergarten now. Then it's time for lunch. You just keep going. You just keep going. You just keep sitting. And eventually they're like. It's still going. But it's like. Down here around your ankles. It's still there, but it's just the volume has been turned way down. You know, the feeling is not so strong. It's just like, oh, almost background noise, you know? Yeah. Kind of boring, kind of tedious. I remember Sojin saying one time that something that used to feel like a straitjacket can become like a cozy sports coat. You just slip it on, slip it off. You're not caught by it. You're not defined by it. You don't identify with it. And I'm interested in learning more about reparenting. So we'll talk later. Thank you. Thank you.

[53:09]

There's a lot in psychology that's borrowed heavily from Buddhism, of course. And I think part of the non-identifying is part of that. Because, you know, what is no self? But it's not, I am this. It's like, I am the five skandhas. And how am I separate from you, by the way? Or the fact that I'm sitting up here, we're all together. It's like, this is who we are, is all of this. But we have this experience of being a self, that we make the self, which is, it's beautiful. It's only when we can't let it go, like anything. So, yeah, definitely. Jeremiah. I have an image that I'd love to share, but before I do, I just want to say to everyone that it was I who brought the glitter into the Zen dome. I apologize.

[54:16]

Confession and repentance. Okay. I love the image of the walking on the ocean floor. And I have another image that I heard someone talk about, Sylvia Bornstein. For her, it was the same question, what does equanimity look like? And she talked about an old wise person sitting on a park bench, watching a young child play with a shovel in the sandbox. And the child's having so much fun. And then the shovel breaks. And the child is so upset. And, you know, the old wise person doesn't walk up to the kid and say, it's just a damn shovel kit. Or like, wait till you have a mortgage and your child leaves home and says he's never coming back. You know, but also the person's not overcome with the joy of the child either.

[55:20]

You know, I mean, you can, it's a tenderness. that you can observe the situation with and be involved with it, but not be completely carried away by the kids, you know, unbelievable ecstatic before the shovel breaks or the complete, you know, the world has ended because the shovel broke. So, yeah, I just wanted to offer that image too, because I loved it so much. That's great. So what practices support you in equanimity? Because I think there's a lot that we can do. Psychologies and neurosciences come out a lot with nervous system regulation. If we're already, if we're stressed, if we're busy, if we've just driven over the Golden Gate Bridge at rush hour, if we're late,

[56:25]

If many things are going on and they just seem to be doing more and more of that lately, many things going on. You know, it's really it's, you know, our bodies get their receptive and they get wound up and our minds get active and wound up. So having practices that are calming and grounding. can really help establish, like Zazen, can help establish a solid, stable home base to come back to. Of course, everybody in this room and on Zoom has practices like this, or you wouldn't be here. So we're more interested in like variety. Yeah. It's a menu of practices.

[57:29]

Because not everybody's practice is the same. No way. So in a minute or two, we're going to break up in the dyads again. I'm not sure we have time for that. We've got a question online and we've got Ross. We go online first. It's... If fear is not a hindrance, what about grief? Say that again? Fear is not a hindrance what? What about grief? Not a hindrance. I don't think grief is a hindrance either. It's a Dharma gate. It's an opening. But I think grief that settles in and takes up kind of a more or less permanent abode can become a hindrance if it gets really sticky.

[58:40]

And I think there's all kinds of reasons that can happen, that it makes it hard to do a lot of other things. Contemporary Sikh activist named Valerie Carr. I highly recommend her teachings, if you're not aware of her. She's from California, born and raised. And she said, grief is frontline social activist work. Grief brings us together. Can bring us together. Pretty meaningful. It's time. I think it's how we meet it if we open and are able to share with other people so that we're having an open heart versus shutting down, trying to cover it up, not wanting other people to see, not wanting to let it out.

[59:41]

And if we can let it flow through, not have too many ideas about it. When I was in my early 20s, A friend broke up with her high school sweetheart. They'd been together and living together for like seven years. Her first and only love he left. And she said, well, I think I'm just going to kind of be a mess for the next six months. I thought that's so great. You know, I had no expectations. And she knew that, you know, she wouldn't always be a mess, but it was kind of this permission to like not be in great shape for a while. I felt like she went through that better than anyone I'd seen at that point. You know, there was no extra there. It was just like waves and then letting go. Oh, is there somebody else? Oh, Mira. Hi, Mira. Good evening.

[60:44]

This is an important topic, as you said, and you weren't going to talk about the situation right now. But I thought I would just give one thing that I decided I'm going to work with. And today I turned on the radio and they were talking about, well, maybe he's going to do this. Maybe he's going to do that. This could happen and that could happen. And right away I started feeling really anxious about all of these possibilities. So my practice, which I think is very important, is I'm going to just stay in the present moment and I'm not going to future trip about this might, this horrible thing might happen and this horrible thing might happen. I'm just going to stay in the moment and not listen to too much news either.

[61:48]

So those are practical things. Yes, very practical. Thank you. It's okay you're talking about the election. We just didn't want to make the whole class about that. Yeah, I mean, you can plan and still be in the moment. You know, well, how am I going to respond? What am I going to do? How am I going to choose? And stay in the present moment. Rich. Hi. Thanks. As a host, I can't raise my hand, digital hand, so I had to raise my actual hand. I saw your analog hand. Got two of them. Yeah. We're talking about fear not being a hindrance, but I'm wondering about courage and where courage comes into this. It seems that equanimity in particular, maybe just for me, requires some courage. Maybe all the problems. I mean, our entire practice requires courage. Like this idea that there's nothing to hold on to is really quite scary as much as it might be liberating.

[62:56]

You know, this idea of jumping off, leaping off the hundred foot pole is like, you know, I've got some stories in my head that are pretty useful, I think, you know, to sort of preserve, to make myself comfortable. And equanimity, I think requires some... And I don't know, I'm wondering if you can talk a little bit about sort of the how, what does it mean to have courage in the context of equanimity? Maybe I don't want to be equanimous all the time. First of all, I think that courage is not the absence of fear. I think it's going ahead with what you're determined to do in the face of fear, not letting it stop you. So you're treating your fear as part of the landscape right now.

[64:05]

This is what's happening. I can include fear and I don't have to let it stop me. Like Sojun used to say, we all have a crying baby inside of us. And how do you relate with it? Can't throw it out the window. Can't smother it. Can't ignore it. Kind of rock his arms like this. But you can take it with you. You know, sometimes you need to attend to it. And sometimes it's just like, no, we're going to the store now. I'm going to make dinner now. And you can do your thing. So moving through. Yeah. I love that specific word, courage. You know, it's French. It comes from the heart. La cour. You know, so it's heartfulness. Being wholehearted. You know, so if you're walking through the tenderloin and somebody goes, boom!

[65:11]

You have a reaction, but it's not... you're not overcome, you know? Or, yeah, you were pointing to something else, which, which, in teachings, Buddhist teachings about, Kashanti, patience, forbearance, there's, there's this teaching about, being patient with emptiness. So that can be a scary thing, right? Just, wow, really, everything is impermanent. You know, really, nothing to rely upon in this or any other world. Well, actually, a bodhisattva relies on Prajnaparamita, right? But what's that? It's just emptiness. So it's tolerating that, you know, having the capacity to tolerate that.

[66:13]

some kind of esoteric stuff, usually not the kind of thing I talk about, but I think that to me, what you were saying sort of points to that, you know, cultivating the ability to be with this uncertainty, the ability to be with non-knowing. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's right. It's like the courage to turn towards, right? There's, it's, you said, I think, you know, don't grasp or push away anything. And somewhere in there, there's a turning towards like upright and, and, and full sort of with your full bearing. And I think that that can, for me, take some courage, not all the time, but I, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Well said. Well said. Thank you. I think it's turning toward specifically, not the idea of, of non-self or emptiness or jumping off the 100-foot pole, the actual lived experience in your body.

[67:21]

Can you turn toward that experience? Because if we can hang out with that, it starts to change things. Like, oh, stomach's doing this and throat's doing that. Like, oh. And that's one thing Sazen is so great for is like, we get to sit with a lot of physical sensations. Anyone else who hasn't spoken yet? Yeah. Sorry. I really like what you said, Rich, and I like that conversation. There is a certain courage being able to hold any number of outcomes and to be able to hold them with some sense of neutrality. I mean, currently with what's going on, I'm in a news blackout. I'm not looking. I'm leaning into don't know mind. So I don't have to pre-worry and pre-anxiety and pre-disaster and have all these outcomes that are so horrible before they get here.

[68:25]

It frees me up to pay attention to what's right in front of me. And sort of where I've turned my attention are to the people and situations that arise internally and get presented to me externally that need my care, need my attention. And if I kind of spend more time not knowing, I'm more available to see that and to react to it. And it's not a skill. I mean, I can't tell you that I really manufactured this. It sort of arose when I decided I really wasn't going to look at the news and I wasn't going to have all of the outcomes before they got here. Thank you. Good topic. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Oh, wait a minute, Russ. Run, run. Just kidding, don't run. This is a great conversation. Is this working louder? Yeah, there you go. Yep. Wow. Yeah, there's two or three things that I'm juggling and they relate to each other.

[69:32]

I'm not sure where to start, but it is remarkable. I think I love what Sojin had said about the crying baby. Because when I peel away the layers of reactions and responses and this or that, what it may have been, at its root, there is something childish in these most honest, immediate responses. It seems to always come down to that, no matter how sophisticated the layers on top may be. And I think with a lot of these things that are really difficult to deal with at the window, the idea of a window of tolerance is really important. And allowing ourselves to go through some Contortions and knowing the edges of that window of tolerance, because, you know, it's like this is where I want to say two or three things at once.

[70:37]

But it's one thing when it's a boo. It's another one. You've been harmed. When you've actually been harmed and you're you're having your reactions despite your conscious mind and. Knowing when and how to approach that window of tolerance and having some wholesome strategic distraction can be a good thing. And slowly expanding that window. And also, for me, in a really subjective way, it comes down to allowing some intensity. Like there are cultures and places in the world where maybe more intense emotions have safe places to breathe and express themselves. And I find oftentimes before I end up that centered face of the 11th-headed cow, I've gone through all the other contortions in a place where I can breathe and feel safe. And when I don't allow myself to do that, I might just get stuck there.

[71:42]

Thank you so much for that. I think that's... Julianne. Yeah, go. Yeah, Julianne. I had kind of an interesting experience this morning that made me think about this class, actually, that I was texting with a friend about what went wrong over the election, and we were kind of arguing over, like, what was the mistake that was made or whatever. And I found that, because this is a really cherished friend of mine, and so... You know, and we were both angry, you know, about what happened. And I found that. So this was the interesting thing where I found that when I practiced meta towards him while we were arguing that I was able to have a sense of equanimity afterwards, you know, like through the discussion, I was able to transform it into.

[72:53]

a sense of, I don't know, more like productive dialogue. And it really transformed the whole conversation for me. And I think that's how one way that we can think about how these Brahmin Viharas kind of feed into each other is that when you're feeling like you need a sense of equanimity... you may be suffering from a weakness of some kind, and then you can feel compassion towards that weakness and then maybe transform it some way. So. Thank you. Kabir. Kabir, and then we're going to move on. Okay. That's tops. Yes. When I was practicing Tibetan Buddhism, another word, another. definition they have for equanimity is equalizing equalizing self with others and so that it's been coming to my mind since the outcome of what happened and so I'm trying to you know practicing that that for you know they're just as right as I was on my decision so

[74:15]

And that sort of helps me and not trying to watch the news. Yeah. So thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. A member of our sangha told me they were planning to come to the class, but they really weren't sure about coming to the class unless we could guarantee Well, they didn't say guarantee, but really hoping for a particular outcome, namely leaving this class, feeling more equanimous than before they got here. It seems reasonable. So we're going to increase the peace. And I can't think of a better thing for that than being led in a little bit of guided meditation by Linda. So just finding your seat.

[75:25]

Just noticing where there might be some tension in the body, some holding, some energy. or maybe where things are stuck. And just within the shape of whatever form your body is feeling called for now, in terms of being upright or whatever it is, Just allow the experience of your body to be held.

[76:35]

To be held by the bones in your body. By the muscles. the skin, this sweet old bag of bones that we carry around. Just appreciate it as it is, however it's showing up for you right now. Maybe a little feeling of warmth and friendliness.

[77:48]

Or how it serves you, carries you. and see if you can feel safe and held and welcome in your body. And in this space with other bodies, other beings, who are also taking a breath, a moment. So just take a deep breath and be a little bit.

[78:57]

And then if you can fill the space around you with that feeling of equanimity, balance, stability, and extended in front of you in back of you, to the left and to the right. You might experience it as a soft light, or it might be a sensation like warmth.

[80:13]

Above, below, in all directions. Extending. Extending. We may shrink in fear, but in equanimity, in safety, in friendliness. We expand and extend. And this energy is tremendously welcoming and healing. above, below, and all around without limit.

[81:30]

So let one cultivate infinite goodwill, infinite compassion, infinite joy, and infinite equanimity for all beings. Thank you. And we'll do the chant at the end. Thank you, everybody. But especially, thank you, Blake and Rich. Yes. For all your hard work making this happen. The logistics, most impressive. Thank you so much. And thank you all for actually making this class, this gathering. But it is. It's really beautiful.

[82:35]

Thank you. Things are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to rent them. God, it's our power. I vow to become it. Beings are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. Illusions are inexhaustible.

[83:27]

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