Today is the fourth day of our five-day Sesshin, which will be tomorrow is the last day. And today there are, I think, 37 people sitting. And for those of you who don't know what Sesshin is, it sits us in. All day, we start at about 5 in the morning and sit till 9, 10 in the evening. And so we sit and we have 40 minute periods of zazen and 10 minutes of walking in between, walking meditation in between. And we eat sitting in our seats. And so it's just zazen for five days.

[01:01]

So after three or four days, it starts getting a little wearisome. And we say, how did I get here? Why am I doing this? My legs hurt. And the same thoughts are going through our mind over and over and over again. And we truly question, you know, I cannot think of any reason why I'm here. That's good, actually. You've given up all your reasons for being here, but you don't think that that's good. because we should have a reason for what we're doing.

[02:08]

But we run out of reasons. And then while we're sitting with our painful legs, we go through a big scenario of what we can do to get out of it. If I move just a quarter of an inch, maybe that will help. Or if I put some cushion under my knee, maybe that will help. Over and over. But in the end, nothing helps. There's no help. So we're just stuck with who we are and where we are. And this is the beginning of Zazen. This is where our real zazen starts.

[03:10]

It's when we can't go on and we can't stop. This is the koan of sashi. You don't know how you're going to continue, yet you can't stop. So you have to find a way to exist in this situation. So this is a terrible situation, but it's also a wonderful situation. And that's why we like it, but we don't like it. Someone said, every time I do Sashin, I have to forget what it was like the last time. But yet, we do it again.

[04:16]

Why is that? It's interesting. Because through all the difficulty, there's something quite wonderful underneath, or within it. Within this difficulty is something uniquely wonderful. Indescribably wonderful. I remember when I was beginning to sit, about 28 years ago, and I did my first one-day sitting, and I walked out in the middle, and I wandered around North Beach, this is in San Francisco, and I went down to Aquatic Park, and I just kept walking around,

[05:22]

And I realized that there was no place that I could settle down. Because even though I had left Cixin, no matter how far I went, I couldn't leave. So I went back and finished. But I had a very difficult time when I was learning to sit Zazen. Of course, I'm still learning to sit Zazen. But in the beginning, when I was learning to sit Zazen, I had a very difficult time, and my legs used to really hurt a lot. And I went through, I think, all of the problems that most people go through. So I have that experience, I think, of dealing with the problems in Zazen that everyone has experienced, pretty much. And people sometimes say, well, do your legs still hurt when you sit Zazen?

[06:29]

I say, yeah, sometimes. But you look so steady when you sit. You look like nothing's happening. And that's true. Pain and suffering are not the same. Painful feeling is painful feeling, and suffering is suffering. And they are associated with each other, but they're not necessarily the same. So I've been talking about, commenting on Dogen Zenji's Genjo Koan. the Realization Koan. And today I want to continue.

[07:34]

Dogen says, seeing forms with a whole body and mind, hearing sounds with a whole body and mind, one understands them intimately. Yet it is not like a mirror with reflections, nor like water in the moon. When one side is realized, the other side is dark. When he says, seeing forms with a whole body and mind, Hearing sounds with the whole body and mind, one understands them intimately. He means in the realm of realization. When one has the realization of seeing or hearing with the whole body and mind, one understands them intimately. Intimately here means as oneself. whole body and mind means not just with the eye, not just seeing with the eye or hearing with the ear, but no gap between what is seen and the seer.

[09:13]

Master Tozan, had a poem. When Tozan was a young monk, he had this question. In the sutra, it says that inanimate objects are constantly expounding the Dharma. And his question was, how can inanimate objects expound the Dharma? And so this is the question that kind of kept him involved. And when he had realization, he made this statement. He says, How amazing! It's hard to comprehend that non-sentient beings expound the Dharma. It is not simply heard with the ears, but when sound is heard with the eyes, it is understood.

[10:32]

He doesn't mean that you actually hear sounds with the eyes, because eyes see, ears hear sounds, the tongue tastes, the body touches, but hearing sounds the eyes, or what does that mean? It means hearing sounds with the whole body and mind. Not just through the ear, but whole body and mind embracing what is seen or what is heard. And this is, in order to hear with the whole body and mind, or to see with the whole body and mind, is another way of saying dropping body and mind.

[11:39]

And intimately means as one's self. When there's no self, When the ego is dropped, body and mind embraces the object. There are two famous stories in Zen. One is the story of Hyogen being enlightened when the pebble hit the bamboo. Well, Kyogen was a disciple of Ison. And when Kyogen was studying with Ison, he felt that Ison didn't approve of him.

[12:58]

So he left. He was actually quite a brilliant monk. But he was so brilliant that his teacher kept putting him off. And so he felt that he wasn't really, his teacher wasn't approving of him. So he finally left and he decided that he would just go and give up striving for realization. the memorial of one of the old patriarchs. And he decided he would just sweep that memorial as his life work. And so day after day he just kept cleaning up the place and sweeping and sweeping and sweeping.

[14:02]

And he had no striving and nothing in his mind. His mind was just completely with his sweeping. And so One day when he was sweeping, a pebble that he was sweeping hit this piece of bamboo and went click, and his mind completely opened up. A very famous story about the pebble hitting the bamboo. It just opened up his mind completely. Stone, bamboo, broom. all were preaching the Dharma, no problem. And the story of Ling Yun, he attained realization when he saw a peach tree blooming. So these are

[15:08]

I think that many people have realization in this way. Suddenly we see something and our mind opens up and there's no barrier between what we see and what is seen. What we see contains the whole universe. Catch a glimpse of the whole universe through seeing a tree in bloom, a bird flying overhead. Krishna was supposed to have been, said he was enlightened when he saw a flock of birds fly overhead. So, seeing forms with the whole body and mind, hearing sounds with the whole body and mind. Dogon says, to forget the self is to be enlightened by all things.

[16:12]

This is the sense here. And yet it is not like a mirror with reflections, no like water under the moon. A mirror reflects something, and the water reflects the moon. He says it's not like that. This has the meaning or the feeling of no gap. If there's no gap, then nothing can be reflected. Only when there's some distance is there a reflection. In another part of Gyanjogoan, he talks about the moon reflected in the water as being an enlightenment. The moon, of course, is enlightenment and the water is the person. The water doesn't disturb. The moon is not disturbed, the water is not disturbed. from water not disturbed by the moon being reflected in it.

[17:19]

But here, he says, it's not like that. There's no gap here. And then he says, when one side is realized, the other side is dark. When one side is realized, the other side is dark. talks about everything in its dharma position. Dharma here, of course, means thing. And each thing has its position on each moment. Every existence has its position on each moment. And yet, each existence is not separate from the whole of existence. And each existence is a representation of the whole of existence. So, there's one thing.

[18:24]

And sometimes we call it I, sometimes we call it you, sometimes we call it something. When we call it I, then I is illuminated. When we call it moon, moon is illuminated. And when I is illuminated, the moon is concealed. When moon is illuminated, then the I is concealed. So, we only see one thing at a time. We only experience one thing at a time. We only deal with one thing at a time. And when we're dealing with one thing completely, everything else is concealed. This I and the one thing is revealed. And the rest of the universe is concealed.

[19:27]

But it's still there. It's like the moon. When the moon is illuminated on one side, the other side is dark. but yet the concealed part of the moon is revealed through its concealment. There's a very nice passage here by Chen Kuan, and he says, on the eighth day of the lunar month. Half of the moon is bright and the other half is dark. The very appearance of the bright part, that's called the disclosed, affirms but does not negate the existence of the hidden part.

[20:35]

Likewise, the manifestation of something always implies the existence of the unmanifested or concealed part of the same thing, like an iceberg. At the moment when the bright part of the moon is disclosed, the dark part also secretly establishes itself. And Dogen calls this the total exertion of one Dharma. And Dogen talks about this as what our practice is, the total exertion of one Dharma. On each moment, the whole body and mind is one with the activity, which includes the whole universe. But when we're eating nine-grain cereal in the morning, sitting in zazen, eating nine-grain cereal covers the whole universe.

[21:50]

It's one small activity in the universe, but it contains the total activity of the universe. When this one activity is illuminated, all the rest is in darkness. When we're in this room, this room is our universe. This one room is our total world, and yet it includes the whole universe. It doesn't negate the universe. The way he expressed this, he says, the dark part also secretly establishes itself.

[22:56]

In zazen, we narrow our activity down to the total exertion of this one dharma. The whole body and mind is embracing this one dharma, totally exerted activity. And although it looks like the rest of the universe is excluded, it's completely included, because the activity is so total. This is one reason why we enjoy zazen so much, even though we don't understand it. And it's possible to practice even though we don't understand it. If we had to wait until we understood it before we practiced, no one would be practicing.

[24:21]

We understand it, but we don't understand it. Even though we understand it, it's beyond our understanding. And so, we get into the middle of Sashin, in the fourth day, and it's just the total exertion of this one Dharma, and we say, what am I doing here? What's going on here? Even though we know. We know what's going on. But we contrast our activity with our usual activity, in which we're always seeking something. In our usual activity, we're always seeking something. And in Zazen, we actually have found what we're seeking, but we don't realize it.

[25:27]

Dongen says, some may realize it, and some may not. Even if you don't realize it, you can still. Later on in Genjo Koan, Dogen says, if one practices and realizes the Buddha way, when one attains one Dharma, one penetrates one Dharma. Encountering one activity, one penetrates one activity. And he says, when one penetrates one Dharma completely, then

[26:46]

one penetrates all dharmas. When we get to the center of one thing completely, then we're at the center of all things. So, realization comes through our practice, which is the total exertion of one Dharma, doing one thing completely. For Dogon, thoroughness is the same thing. That's why Soto Zen has this aspect of doing something thoroughly, thoroughly and completely. And the practice is very simple, so that you can just do one thing thoroughly. It's not necessary to take on many things.

[27:53]

You know, our life, we say that variety is the spice of life. And it is. But it's not the fundamental thing of life. It's just a spice. But we have this craving for variety because we do like to spice up our life. But the fundamental thing is very boring. You know, Suzuki Roshi, as I said over and over, he used to say, when you get enlightened, you may not like it. You may not like it. It may not be what you thought you wanted. And it isn't. what you thought you wanted, because what you thought you wanted was just another desire. True reality doesn't come up to our imagination.

[29:03]

It doesn't match our imaginings. Matter of fact, our imaginings I take it further and further away. So, in Zazen, just stop thinking. Stop imagining. Just be with the present moment, just as it is. How do you be with the present moment just as it is? It's very boring. But it's not boring. I say it's very boring because people tell me that. But actually, I've never found Zazen to be boring myself. Boring means... I think boring is separation. As long as there's no gap, there's no way to be bored. But boredom comes through separation.

[30:09]

What should I do now? There's nothing interesting. That's because there's separation between yourself and the universe. There's no exertion. And boredom usually comes through inertia. No way to be connected. As long as, when there's no gap, there's no room for boredom. It's not boring, and it's not interesting. It's just what is. So it's actually very helpful to have a little bit of discomfort. Discomfort brings us down to earth.

[31:21]

brings us to where we are, lets us know where we are. You know, most spiritual practices try to separate the holy from the mundane. But in Zen, our holy practice Holy means whole, actually. Our holy, whole practice is right in the midst of our difficulty, of our painful existence. So how can we sit right in the midst of our painful existence, wholly present?

[32:25]

Not trying to create some blissful abode When actually, when we can accept our pain completely, this is called blissfulness. So, the problem is, we're always trying to escape. Because we want to have that blissfulness. We want to have ease, blissfulness, and a nice life. So we're always trying to escape the painful side of life. But it doesn't work, because you can't separate things. If you want to have your bliss, you also have to take it with a grain of pain, I'm afraid.

[33:45]

Because pleasure and pain go together. Sometimes people, when they don't know what we're doing, they think that it's an escape. He said, Zazen is to escape into some blissful realm. But I don't deny that. But you can't have your bliss without your pain. You have to pay your dues for whatever you're doing. Nothing is free. Freedom, you know, is not free. You have to pay for everything. So, this is the way we pay for our freedom. By accepting our pain. Accepting our difficulty.

[34:52]

How do we embrace, how do we exert, you know, totally exert body and mind on each moment, and live our life just from moment to moment? The wonderful thing about Satchin is we have the opportunity to live our life moment by moment. There's no, the past is gone, and there's no such thing as the future. There's just the present unfolding itself moment by moment. And if we get off of the moment, then we fall into hell. It's true. As soon as you leave the moment, you fall into a desperate situation. So by sitting like this, we're forced to stay. Right in the present moment, with the circumstances of the present moment.

[36:09]

Moment by moment by moment. So we're living our life little by little, moment by moment, completely present, because that's all there is. And as soon as we start thinking ahead, we fall out of the present moment. As soon as we want something to be over, as soon as we want time to speed up, time won't speed up for us. It just goes on. And we have to go with it. We can't speed it up. You just have to be very patient.

[37:14]

Very patient. And then you have to stop being patient and just be there. Very still. Not wishing for anything. Not wishing that things would go away or change. But just being with what is. Very simple, very plain, but not easy to do. But we have to keep coming back and remembering that over and over. We have to keep remembering, putting the members back together of our mind. And sometimes we said that moving is a way of trying to get out of that.

[38:32]

And it can be detrimental. Well, it is a way of getting out of that, you know. But so we say, you know, don't move. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't move. You know, as well as being strict. We also have to be compassionate. So the strict side says, don't move. The compassionate side says, go ahead and move. If you have to move, move. I never tell people, don't move, actually. I always say, I try to say, you know, do the best you can. At some point, you will not want to move. At some point in your career of Zazen, you will say, I don't want to move.

[39:33]

And you won't. And so, you know, I don't tell you not to do it. You will find that place and time where you decide that you just don't want to move, you're just not going to move. I mean, that will inevitably happen. So, instead of trying to adjust the circumstances to yourself, you adjust to the circumstances. And you have to have some Standard. Some place where you put your foot down, so to speak. Some place where you put your behind down and you say, well, this is the place where I'm, this is it.

[40:35]

And then you deal with the circumstances. You adjust to the circumstances. This is called, adjusting to the circumstances is called soft mind. Soft doesn't mean mushy. It means bending with the circumstances. It's not like peanut brittle, which is very stiff, but all you have to do is go, and it cracks. But more like grass. When the wind blows, the grass knows how to bend to conform with the wind. The trees know how to conform with the wind. When they get too stiff, too dry, too stiff, then they fall over. So, an important thing about Zazen is to have a soft mind, which goes with circumstances, and to accept everything equally.

[41:39]

Pleasure and pain, the same. You just have to be able to accept each thing equally without discriminating. This is good. This is bad. I like this. I don't like this. As soon as you start doing that, you're lost. And in the ordinary world, you can do it. But in the world of Zazen, you can't do it because it's too strict. The world of zazen is too strict. And as soon as you start discriminating, you feel it. You feel the consequences right away. So, you can't discriminate. And we find ourselves discriminating all the time.

[42:46]

We find ourselves saying, Oh, I hate this, or I can't stand this, or I don't like this, or I wish it was this way. It comes up all the time because it's our natural way of thinking. And then we see ourselves thinking that way. You should see yourself thinking that way. And then you say, oh, stop thinking like that. Just sit here. So even though there's some, you know, we always have some problems. We learn how to deal with the problem. And this is our pleasure. The pleasure is very deep. This is the true pleasure which comes through non-discrimination. So it's like sitting together is like a forest of trees, which hold each other up, which actually provide an environment, actually, for each other.

[44:33]

Things are effortless.

[45:04]

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